Dream Advocate

the Job Hunt

2010-06-21T12:34:00.002-04:00

SO back in November I read this post on the marco SW blog . I knew that it was indeed something I'd be dealing with eventually.

Well not it's June 21st -- over a month since my graduation and I'm definitely dealing with it.

The VA is on hold -- apparently they have some kind of hiring freeze although this is of course very vague. So it might be weeks or literally months before I hear from them again regarding the positions I already applied for and in the meantime I keep searching for newly posted ones to apply for. My licenses are all in order for my p-lcsw and my lmsw when the opportunity finally arises.

I am a lucky one. I still have income right now. My husband works and I have a part-time job that pays well. So I have the luxury of looking for a SW job at my leisure and to be picky about it. Not all my classmates have that luxury. Some of them are single moms or living on their own or just need any job right now. So I'm lucky and I'm grateful. And I'm job hunting.

When you go on a job website such as monster.com or careerbuilder.com or any job board that posts jobs for the non-profit or social services sector, if you look for social work, you get almost exclusively micro SW jobs. Therapist wanted. Discharge Planner wanted. LMSW wanted for foster care agency. LCSW wanted. All these make perfect sense for a micro social work practitioner. But not me. I didn't go to school to do therapy or be a discharge planner or do clinical social work.

So when I search for jobs, I'm having more luck not looking for "social worker". I browse by category and industry. For example, industry: healthcare and category: management. Other industries I look in are government, non-profit, social services, etc. And I look through the postings.

Some of the titles I've submitted applications for are:
Fund Developer (fund raising for a non-profit)
Client Services Manager
Branch Manager (at a nursing-care facility)
Associate Director (at a assisted living center)

I'm looking for the right opportunity and the right job for me. A month into my search, I'm not worried. I'm getting nibbles and bites and have even turned down an offer that wasn't quite right. I'm learning how to refine my search and weed out the things I'm not terribly interested in.

It's just a matter of time and some hard work . . . .

Where to go from here . . .

2010-05-25T10:08:00.002-04:00

So it's been a couple weeks since graduation. And I took some much-needed time off after grad weekend to recollect myself, relax, clear my head and sleep. It felt great. I've read 4-5 books in the last 2 weeks and have immersed myself into Runes of Magic a Free 2 Play MMO. It's a lot of fun and I've tried several different new characters trying to find my niche in this world. This MMO "borrows" the better qualities of WoW, EQx, and a few other "good" MMOs. And it doesn't cost money to play which is nice.

Anyway, on the social work front, things are moving extremely slow right now. I haven't heard from the VA at all and am trying not to panic about that. Surely they will call soon, right? I've applied for a couple other MSW level jobs to see what else is out there.

In the meantime, I've finalized my LMSW for South Carolina now that my school has finally released my transcripts showing my degree. My application for p-LCSW for North Carolina is finally complete and ready to go to the board for approval. So hopefully in the next few weeks I'll have some license numbers to add to my resume.

Otherwise I'm just waiting and hoping and trying to keep the dream alive. . . .

Grduation

2010-05-10T16:00:00.003-04:00

So I had really 2 graduations. One was Thursday the 6th and was an outdoors hooding ceremony. It was 90 degrees and we all sweated in our black polyester robes while our names were called and our professors placed our hoods on our shoulders. It was an intimate ceremony of just MSWs, professors, and family. It took 2.5 hours.

Then Saturday was the official conferring of degrees by the University. This was a formal and efficient affair where they read off the names and marched us across the stage to shake hands with our University President and Deans -- approximately 1,000 students from 5 different schools of the college in under 60 minutes. As the fellow graduate beside me stated "it was over so fast".

3 years and it was over so fast.

So now I'm officially an MSW, and once the school sends me my final transcript I'll forward it to the licensing board and officially be a LMSW. I talked to my boss for my part-time job briefly this morning about remaining part time to give me "a break" for now. I'm also looking to find a job in my new field. I have a phone interview at a local private for-profit hospital on Friday and I await to hear from the VA regarding some positions there. I'll be looking at some other options too in the next few weeks.

So I get a little break. Some light familiar work and some time off to adjust. Hopefully it won't take too long for the next adventure to begin.

LMSW

2010-05-04T20:05:00.003-04:00

So this morning I took the Master's level licensing exam. I knew I wanted to take the exam before the big grad day so that I could confidently say I was done. I'd done everything I could to be a social worker at this level.

USC offered a MSW prep course on 2 Saturdays in March. I couldn't go because I had classes on Saturday but the school posted videos of the class. They also got us discounted access to the AATBS guide books. In addition, they posted 2 full practice tests and the answer keys with rationales. This is unprecedented support from the school for getting students through the exam.

I used the practice tests and tried to use the books. They are great and have a lot of good info in a nice organized manner. I just didn't have the time I needed to really use them. But they are an excellent review source.

Anyway, long story short, I passed the test. It was easier than I'd made it out to be in my mind. I took 2 hours out of the allowed 4 to complete the exam -- I'm not one to go back and review since I usually end up arguing my way out of the correct answers. So my results get sent to the SC licensure board and with my final transcript reaching them from the school, I'll have my LMSW.

LMSW. That feels good.

Clearing Station

2010-04-29T11:30:00.003-04:00

Yesterday was my last day at the VA officially. Friday I'll be going to IOP to say goodbye to my group, but as far as the VA is concerned, I no longer exist. They took my keys, my id, , my parking sticker, my computer access . . . I had to "clear station" which meant calling and visiting 10+ departments to ensure that I didn't owe them any money, wasn't owed any money by HR, and to take away my privileges at the hospital.

I had lunch with a colleague who I hope to call "friend" and the interns all got together and chatted about our finals and papers and graduations. Otherwise it was an easy day with a sad undertone.

I am trying to get a job there so hopefully it won't be a long goodbye.

Otherwise right now I'm stressing most about getting some studying in for the licensing exam. Every time I work on one of the practice tests the questions seem so dense and the answers so similar. There are supposed to be typically 2 answers of the 4 you can eliminate immediately but some of them it's a lot harder to tell. I'm also starting to get the house ready for incoming family next week.

Amid all these to-do's I have a strange and strong urge to go shoe shopping. A little shopping therapy to celebrate me!

The End is Nigh . . .

2010-04-26T11:38:00.002-04:00

So Saturday was my last day of classes. In the morning our groups gave our presentations on our group papers. I think ours went well and I expect an A for that course overall.

Afternoon class, the capstone, we spent a good amount of time talking about how to improve the class for future students and how to avoid burnout. It was actually one of our better class discussions I think, but the back of my mind kept thinking . . . Let's blow this joint!

So I spent Saturday night and Sunday (with the exception of the usual errands, grocery shopping and laundry) vegetating. I played a lot of a video game that my husband and I have been enjoying lately (Runes of Magic) and started book 7 of the Sookie Stackhouse series (which the HBO show True Blood is based on). Both very guilty pleasures that I allowed myself to not feel guilty about at all.

This week I'll be studying for the licensing exam which I am taking on May 4th. We talked about the exam a bit in capstone on Saturday. I am not going to kill myself with studying for it. The first practice exam I took for it I got an 84 (70 is passing). I've got a couple other practice tests (full-length ones) provided by my school's prep course and I've got the video of that prep course to review. I figure I'll go through those, read the rationals for the correct answers and walk in at least knowing what to expect. It's a 4 hour test and I'm scheduled to start at 9:30 am that Tuesday.

Also this week will be my last 2 days of internship at the VA. Wednesday will be my last day "on-station" so I'll be "clearing station" (turning in my id, my keys, etc.). Friday I'll be at the IOP again to do 2 things -- run one more Employment Summit meeting and say goodbye to my group. The employment summits we've been having have been very interesting. I bring to the table 10 or more agencies that have some dealing with employment in the region (ESC, SBA, County Govt, Etc.) and we talk about ways to get our homeless veterans employed. Saying goodbye to my group will be bittersweet but we'll have a bit of fun with it too.

Then the big graduation is the following week.

Termination

2010-04-21T17:49:00.001-04:00

In social work termination refers to the process of ending treatment with a client – either because they’ve completed treatment, are leaving treatment for other reasons, or when the practitioner needs to end treatment due to work changes or inability to be effective with that client.

Today for me it means:
Updating a treatment plan
Informing the client who they will work with going forward
Confirming that they felt comfortable going forward
Saying goodbye
Saying I’ve learned from you

To-Do's

2010-04-19T11:49:00.003-04:00

This week is all about the To-Do List. Actually, the next 2 weeks. Here's my current schedule April 19th-30th:

Mon-Tues -- Work
Wed-Thurs -- Intern At VA
Friday -- Work
Saturday -- Last Day of Classes, 2 papers due
Sunday -- Life Day (chores, errands, etc)
Mon-Tues -- Work
Wed -- VA in Salisbury, Last Day
Thurs -- Work
Friday -- VA in Charlotte -- Last Day of Field Ever

The To-Do's range from:
-- finish my big 20+ page Capstone paper due 4/24
-- Write my section of the group paper due 4/24
-- Put together a PowerPoint for the Group Presentation due 4/24
-- Meet with and terminate with my clients at the VA 4/21
-- Prepare the Guest Rooms for my Mother-in-law and Grandmother-in-law by 5/7
-- Order a cake for the graduation party (sooner rather than later)
-- Figure out what I'm serving at the graduation party (sooner rather than later)
-- clean my office and store away my social work texts and articles so I can find them again later
-- Study for the Licensing Exam which I'm taking on 5/4
and mundain things like
-- get my hair cut
-- treat myself to a mani-pedi
-- GRADUATE ON MAY 8th!!!

Right now, to keep track of it all, I'm putting everything on my blackberry calendar. Yes, I have appointments on there for "clean office" and "mail birthday card to Aunt" so that I don't loose track of things these next couple weeks. I'm not trusting anything to memory. My brain needs all the space it can get for that 4 hour licensing exam.

I'm so close I can taste it . . .

Saying goodbye

2010-04-15T10:47:00.003-04:00

So yesterday we had a "intern party" at the VA to eat cake and mingle and say goodbye to each other as we all are ending our internships in the next 2-3 weeks. So while we are still all here, a little party for us to get together.

As I wrap up this 3 year journey to a degree, we are being asked to do a lot of reflection on the journey itself, the program, and where we think we are heading into the future. As I complete these assignments, and finish up projects at the VA, I'm doing so with a bit of sadness.

I'm really excited to be finally finishing. I'm thrilled that in a few weeks I'll have my Saturday's back. I'm proud that I'm graduating with a 4.0 (so far!) and that I'm graduating at all (since I'd never planned on getting a Masters ever). I'm excited about looking for a new job and testing myself in a new career.

But I'm also a bit sad as I exchange phone numbers and emails with my classmates and fellow interns. Promises to keep in touch that may or may not be kept. I'm going to try, because I've built a network of friends and I want to keep in touch and keep those friendships going. I want to continue in my new career with that built-in social support I currently enjoy. That will be part of the challenge of that first year post-grad. As our careers start and our distance grows, staying in each others lives will get harder and harder.

So I'm giving myself space to be a little sad. And taking a little personal "me" time for it. So come May 8th I can charge off into that "new frontier" prepared and energized.

Interviewing for a VA Job

2010-04-03T22:44:00.001-04:00

A continuation of a previous post on applying for federal jobs.

So after HR has certified your application and then it’s been scored and you make it to the top, you get called for an interview. What will it be like?

When applying for the internship at the VA, I experienced a job interview like none other. I was faced with a panel of four social workers who didn’t stand or try to shake my hand when I entered (and I think I surprised them when I reached out for that hand-shake!). They handed me a list of the questions I was about to be asked. They each took turns reading the questions and scribbled down my answers. I’m used to establishing some form of report with an interviewer and getting an occasional smile or head nod. I didn’t get that from these three women! Then they took me to another room and gave me a ½ sheet description of a potential client and asked me to write how I would approach that client’s issues and asked me to specifically focus on 4 questions on that sheet. It was a nerve-racking experience and I had no idea if I did well until I got the call a month later saying I’d been accepted.

If you Google Performance-Based Interviewing, one of the top hits is the VA’s website. There you will see it defined as “a method to increase the effectiveness of the interviewing process in selecting and promoting quality staff”. The idea is to ask questions in a way that will “elicit behavioral examples of past performance”. The example given on the VA website is this:

Traditional Interview Question:
How would you handle an upset customer?

PBI Question:
Please tell me about a time when you had to deal with an upset customer. What was the problem? What did you do? What was the outcome?

According to the VA’s website, “The intent is for you (the interviewee) to tell a story (with a beginning, middle and an end) that conveys how you applied a practical skill. When answering interview questions, be brief and succinct and try not to ramble.”

When we had the intern session on how to apply for VA jobs, the social worker leading the group summed it up as trying to be as fair and unbiased as possible when interviewing. They ask the same questions of each candidate. The answers are written down and scored, oftentimes but someone other than the interviewer. The top scorers get the job or the promotion. Impartial ends up feeling a bit cold if you’ve never experienced it before.

The VA has some tips for preparing for their interviews. You can also find sample questions there.

Relapses and Disappointments

2010-04-03T22:41:00.001-04:00

So I’ve started working this semester in with what the VA calls the IOP – Intensive Outpatient treatment for substance abuse. As I’ve posted previously, this is a big new topic for me. I’m sitting in on and co-facilitating treatment groups with Veterans with various substance abuse diagnoses. They meet 3 times a week for 3 hour sessions for 6 weeks (18 classes total). My going there once a week poses its own problems.

Today’s topic , however, is relapses. This is something every addict struggles with and every social worker or other substance abuse worker deals with. When I first started at the VA and got assigned my first client, I excitedly told a fellow social worker how my new client had goals and seemed to be on the right track. Their response was “remember, it’s not your job to save this person”. I was a bit taken aback because the thought hadn’t occurred to me. I know it’s something a lot of new social workers struggle with, trying to save their clients and letting their clients into their hearts and lives. It’s the underlying cause of many a burnout. I thought long and hard on this topic before I made the decision to apply to grad school and get my MSW. I am a highly empathetic person (I call myself an “emotional sponge”) and yes, there is the concern of me trying too hard and giving too much of myself. It’s something I’m very cognizant of and have discussed with my own therapist, my family and my field instructors.

This semester I’ve started following clients through their 6-week stay in the IOP program, however, and started to get to know them. It’s hard to not be moved by their stories and their tears. And I should be moved, on some level, if only because it signifies my being alive.

We recently graduated a client who we knew was still using. He had come for the requisite number of sessions – and a few more. Staying in the program another few weeks wasn’t going to change that. So we graduated him. The two other social workers and I processed this the other day and one of them said “it’s not our failure.” And that is so true. We cannot take personal responsibility for the actions of our clients. Our goal is for them to take responsibility for themselves. We support them so they can do that.

So as I meet with this group of clients and find out about a recent relapse one of them has experienced, yes, I feel a twinge of sadness and disappointment. In the end, however, I must continue to do good social work, learn all I can, and support my clients and give them the tools to succeed.

It’s up to them to use them.

How to get a job at the VA (or with the feds in general)

2010-03-31T09:55:00.008-04:00

Last month at the group supervision for the VA social work interns we had an experienced social worker talk to us about getting jobs at the VA and federal employment in general. Since then I've talked to a lot of classmates and apparently this information is highly sought. So here's the skinny on getting hired by the feds in general and the VA in particular.

If you aren't currently employed by the federal government or the VA the one-stop-shop for jobs is usajobs.gov. It doesn't matter who you know or who you talk to, if it's not on USAjobs.gov as available to "all public" the average Joe isn't going to get to apply. Even those of us who have been interning at the VA must go through this portal and the jobs posted there.

So you find a job on USAjobs you want to apply for. You have to read the posting extremely closely. There will be a list of minimum requirements. You must meet everyone of them or your application will be discarded. If something on that list is pending (like your license application), make sure you state that in a cover letter with a date for when that will be corrected.

The other thing you need to pay attention to is the closing date of the job posting. You must submit your entire complete application in the method listed by that date. If you are still in school, the rules at the VA state you must graduate within 60 days of that closing date to be considered. Read carefully the method for submitting your application. Sometimes they will only accept regular US mail. Sometimes they will accept a fax. Make sure you use the method they state.

The next big thing in a USAjobs posting is the KSA's, or Knowledge, Skills & Abilities. Most jobs will have a list of statements regarding specific KSAs you must have to get the job. For example, one KSA might state: "Ability to provide psychosocial treatment to a wide variety of individuals from various socio-economic, cultural, ethnic, educational, and other diversified backgrounds." So for each statement listed in the job posting you need to write a few paragraphs describing how you have that ability providing examples and as many numbers as possible. So for the psychosocial treatment one you want to describe how you provided appropriate psychosocial treatment to x number of clients from abc backgrounds per week/month whatever in your previous jobs or internships. If you google KSA examples you will find pages and pages of sample KSAs to show you appropriate format. Good rule of thumb is one KSA per page and have each one take up one to 1.5 pages. There are even services out there to help you write them if you are willing to pay.

Next is the forms. All federal applications will require a OF-306 form. You can get it from links on USAjobs. It's the declaration for federal employment. You need to fill it out and sign it to submit with your application. There might be other forms required. The VA requires for social workers the VHA 10-2850 which is the declaration for health workers. That has all the information about your license and any required insurance and any other medical facilities you might have priviledges at. For the VA in order to be hired as a social worker you must have a masters degree and be independently licensed in any state. (so if you are licensed in Virginia but find a job in Maryland, your Virginia license is adequate). Now most states require 2 years of post-graduate degree supervision before you can be licensed for independant practice. In which case you need to be provisionally licensed (if your state grants provisional licenses) and state on your application that you need to complete the required supervision to be fully licensed. The VA will then arrange for your proper supervision if you get hired.

Other tips:

Your education is your most important feature as a new grad. It should be at the top of your resume with the status of your license immediately following.

The VA isn't going to care about the old jobs you had that had nothing to do with social work. Get rid of them and focus on direct social work experiences even if that is only through field placement. That should be the bulk of your resume. Any other important jobs that give you good skills for being a good employee (computer skills, business/office skills such as budgeting, supervising others, etc) can stay but push them to the second page after your social work practice.

Also, the VA is paperless. So any computer skills you can put on there is always a good thing.

Proof everything several times and then let someone else proof it too. Everything needs to be clear, concise and correct.

Once you've got your documents together, your resume revised to show what a great social worker you are, your KSA's written, submit the complete package at one time. This is not a time to piecemeal it. If an package is incomplete, they don't look at it. Put a cover letter on it all to explain anything that might need explanation (status of your license, graduation date, etc.).

After the closing date the HR office that collected the applications takes them all and has someone score them. They give points for each item that is completed correctly, score your resume based on items they are looking for on it, and score the KSA's. There's a set formula for scoring based on the job. The goal is to impartially score the applications. Note that the initial scoring is usually done by HR. Not other social workers. So you need to be clear and specific in everything you put on your application. They are trained to look for key words. If you have ever been in the military, you can get 5-10 points added to your score. If you've interned at the VA (and are applying to a VA job) they will add a pre-determined set number of points for that experience. Then, based on the scores, the top scorers are sent to the next round.

The next round might be a review by social workers or it might be interviews. Interviews are a whole other topic so I'll continue this discussion in another post!

Boundaries, Use of Self, & Jobs

2010-03-23T10:43:00.003-04:00

I know I haven't posted since March 5th. So much has been going on and I've actually started and scrapped a couple posts since then.

On March 12th we held the Stand Down. This is a great event and it's also very intense. My father, who is a veteran, attended this event with me as a volunteer. I love being able to share a bit of my life with my father and he very much enjoys "giving back" to veterans. We got to the event at 7 am and homeless veterans were already lining up to get registered and enter the event which started at 8:30.

I sat down and started screenings. The homelessness screening form is over 5 pages long and covers the length of the current episode of homelessness, any previous episodes of homelessness, medical conditions the veteran is aware of, emotional health issues the veteran is aware of and substance abuse problems. An additional screening for suicide risk is performed based on the answers on the first form. I sat and did probably 40-50 of these screenings over 3 hours. There's a lot of pressure to get them completed thoroughly and quickly so that the veteran can move on and enjoy the event. It's hard work.

After we got the main rush of attendees screened I was able to breathe, eat some breakfast, and go around and visit the booths and agencies and talk with colleagues and acquaintances participating in the event. I took my dad around to introduce him to people. While doing so I ran into a lot of the veterans I had just screened and also some of the veterans I have met and worked through my internship. This poses an interesting issue for me as a new practitioner that I hadn't really thought about and probably should have. Introducing my father to my clients. Many social workers keep very distinct and separate boundaries between their work lives and their family and personal lives. This is necessary for confidentiality, and to ensure the ability to "stop working" at some point. My sister is a doctor in a small town. She runs into her patients and their families at the grocery store, at local events. Cross-over is part of her life and she must balance it carefully. I too must learn this skill. I introduced my clients to my father but also needed to pause a moment and tell him "I need to maintain confidentiality here. I cannot tell you how I know these veterans or where I met them or how I work with them. Assume I met them through my job and leave it at that." It's possible to have a simple hey how are you, good to see you again, this is my father, he's a veteran too conversation. Should I be doing this? Some would say no. I had the blessing of my field instructor and the director of the homeless program to bring my father to this event. They both stated they enjoyed meeting my father and that he was a helpful volunteer. This was actually the 2nd stand down he'd attended. But the first one was only a few weeks into my internship so I didn't know as many people and certainly hadn't worked with a lot clients.

Another big topic related to boundaries that has come up in the last few weeks is use of self in practice. I'm actually working on my big capstone "social work inventory" project right now and writing a section on my social work practice theory and use of self in my practice. This immediately tied into a group I had earlier this month for the substance abuse group I'm co-facilitating. I was asked to present a topic on depression and depressive thought patterns and lead the discussion on using cognitive behavioral therapy techniques to recognize depressive thought patterns. It is a big tough topic, but one I can relate to having dealt with depression and anxiety myself. So how do I, as a relative newcomer to this group, talk about a topic that is already emotionally charged for me? I looked up some resources, and looked for a way to broach this topic with the group, a mini-icebreaker to ease us into the topic of feeling depressed and the actions we take when we feel depressed. I found a Charlie Brown cartoon where Charlie talks about feeling depressed. I printed it out for the group.

Basically, to make a long story shorterish, my plan backfired. The group actually got mad about the cartoon. They felt like I was making light of something they've experienced significantly. Which was not my intent. It was my way of broaching a topic I felt deeply, but was afraid to put myself into. So I put in something I could relate to. But I'm still developing Trust with this group so they didn't know my intent and were scared and upset and hurt. My co-facilitator was also taken off guard and during the actual group neither he or I fully understood the emotions that were coming from the group. So the next session, unfortunately one I wasn't able to attend, my co-facilitator had them talk about and think about what they really felt about the cartoon. And what it represented. This brings up another problem with the group holding 3 sessions a week and me attending only one -- it's hard for me to build trust and it's hard for me to be there to fully process an entire concept and idea and in this case, unintended consequences, with them. By the time I returned to group the following week they had had 2 other sessions and completely moved on.

I'm working on trying to wrap up school work, study for the licensing exam and apply for jobs all at once right now. Time is just tight. But I've got 1 month to go -- 5 more Saturdays of class. And I'm still learning every day.

Overbooked

2010-03-05T14:50:00.004-05:00

This week I'm not so much stressing -- I won't let it get that far -- but I'm looking at my schedule for the rest of March and thinking "whoa!" a lot. I have every day pretty much booked up and scheduled.

Scheduling is so critical in Grad school. Each semester presents a new set of challenges of balance between work, school, internship, family, friends, etc. I've reached a point where we now have a family calendar and I put where I'll be each day so my husband knows what I'm doing. Otherwise I might forget to tell him.

So next week is supposed to be spring break. But I'm still going to internship because of 2 things: 1. the IOP group and 2. the stand down. The stand down is the big homelessness event we do 2 times a year where we bring in all the area homeless clients and feed them and give them food and clothing and a chance to see a doctor and a dentist and get a hair cut and a large number of other services all under one roof. It's a big event and I don't want to miss it.

The IOP group is hard for me. Not because of what we are doing, I love the group and I'm learning a lot. But because of scheduling. They go to group 3 days a week. I go one day a week. And I missed last week. So new people came in, some people graduated and so this week I had a completely different group of people. So it's hard for me to feel and see group cohesion and consistency and progress with this part-time schedule. And they hold graduations on Fridays so I miss that final achievement for these clients. Anyway, it's making it hard for me to really get that experience of running a group. But I'm making the most of it. Next week will be the first time I'll be presenting a topic. I'll be talking about depression and depressive thought patterns. This should be interesting for me to tackle with them. There's a lot of rich info for me to bring to the topic so I'll have to figure out how to approach it in a meaningful way in the time provided.

SO group is tough but I'm getting what I can out of it. The following week I'll miss group again due to the SW Quarterly meeting -- group will continue on but our team Psychiatrist will run it while all of the social workers in the hospital (80+!) meet for lunch and regular business matters. Then the following week I'll miss Wednesday group again but will go to Friday's group instead (due to Passover).

I'm also currently studying for and contemplating scheduling my licensing exam. Plan is to do it May 1 -- the weekend before graduation but after classes end. I'm attending my NASW chapter's licensing prep class on 3/13 (which is my spring break Saturday, so no class) and also my school is doing a prep class on 2 other Saturdays as well (which I can't attend, but they are posting online for viewing). So it just seems like a lot and I wish I had some more "wiggle room" in the schedule. But things are continually ramping up for the finale in May.

And then my schedule will be a whole lot free-er and I'll probably miss having something to do all the time!

Social Networking and Social Work

2010-02-23T10:37:00.004-05:00

It sounds like they would mesh together pretty well, right? "Social" is what we do.

The New Social Worker blog recently posted an article because a couple of their "bigwigs" have been cited in an article about social media.

I joined facebook 2 years ago because I was in grad school and was taking classes with early 20-somethings who had recently graduated undergrad and were all on facebook. They kept putting their group projects on facebook for all to see and share. So I signed up. Since then, my family has joined the bandwagon because it is an easy way to share photos and "keep in touch" without leaving lots of voicemail. It gives a sense of connection in short little bursts.

So the past few weeks I've been embroiled in a bit of facebook drama with my school. The way USC organizes its capstone class -- the penultimate course representing all of our social work education -- is through weekly case studies. We are all assigned to groups and all given the same case study representing typical issues social workers encounter in every-day practice. Each week half the group writes an analysis of the case while the other half provides constructive criticism and feedback. All students in their final semester of the MSW program take this class and are in a section of the course.

So I created a facebook group for it. I have 18 people in my section, but I have a lot of friends in a couple of the other sections. So I created the group, invited my classmates and fellow MSW's I knew and had friended on facebook and encouraged them to invite their classmates. In a week I had over 20 members in the group. A week later, 30.

Then the school heard about it. And the professors got concerned. It was a public group, anyone could join, anyone could read it. Ok I understand the concern. I made it a closed group. Now you have to be invited and approved to join, and you have to be a member to read the posts and see the wall. A professor sent out an email about not discussing cases online publicly. That same week, another 30 people joined the group. The professors held a meeting. There was a concern, and a valid one, that because some of the cases used in the class are not published, and because the school had obtained permission to use the cases in this class and had people sign releases that did not specifically state "and discussed on a public social networking site" perhaps there was a legal violation regarding us discussing cases on facebook. I discussed it with my professor and I argued that unfortunately no one really can control how a student discusses course material and in today's age, facebook is how students connect. I invited my professor to join the group so she could see what we are doing. She joined, and I made her an admin so if she desires she can remove inappropriate posts. She says that now that the profs have agreed to let it continue, she's only looked at it once and doesn't intend to monitor it regularly.

We aren't republishing the cases. In fact, without reading it, you'd have no idea what we were talking about. They were also concerned about "group think" and probably a bit of plagiarism. But the discussions so far have been fairly simple -- who do you think is really the protagonist, what do you think are the main issues, what theory do you think applies here? And people are discussing things from their view and stating when they disagree and I think all our papers are ending up very different. It's more like a "sounding board". Through this group, I've met a number of other people in the program who I haven't met before because they aren't part-time or in Saturday classes. And an interesting thing happened. I know of at least 3 people who weren't on facebook before but have joined now so they can join this group. That to me is incredible.

We have 65 members now. It's like a big "final semester" support group online for us. And I think it is good.

God and Social Work

2010-02-16T14:51:00.002-05:00

So I've now been to two group sessions with my substance abuse group. They are all unique people with their own path to recovery. It's all very interesting for me, and I'm sure I'm learning a lot as I try to absorb every word they say and take in the whole process of the group.

Substance Abuse recovery is very connected to spirituality for a lot of people, and religiosity for others. Last semester when my field instructor did my review she came to a question about my self-awareness of my own potential biases and turned to me and asked me if I thought I had any biases. At the time I honestly answered "Republicans" (sorry, Dad). But there's another major one that I didn't talk about then, but we have talked about now that I'm working with this group: religion/religious people/bible-thumpers, etc.

I believe in God. I believe in Jesus. That's me. I believe in separation of church and state. I believe that federally and state-funded programs should not use that money to preach to their clients. I do not feel that God belongs in any program I am working in and for. I do believe that some people cope with things through their religion and spirituality. And if a client comes to me and says "God helps me with this" then I will encourage them to embrace that. Use what works for you. If you can feel close to God and that makes your life easier to manage, go for it. If a client wants me to pray with them, I will pray, but I will let the client lead the prayer. That is me. My stance.

Substance Abuse recovery for some essentially involves a relationship to God. And that works for some people. For others, it doesn't work. The 12 steps are about surrendering to God. If that's what you need to do, fabulous! Do it! Now they define "God" as a higher power, in whatever way you believe 'higher power' to be. But it's still about surrender.

Personally, I read the 12 steps and my inner being screams. I don't know if faith is the way to go. I don't know if I could "surrender". I don't think God will "remove the defects of my character" (wasn't he supposed to make us perfect, in his image anyway?) I don't know if I can accept the loss of free will (didn't he give us that too?). I don't know if He's that involved in our daily lives anyway. That's ME. It might not be YOU.

Last Wednesday one of our clients spoke eloquently on how she has taken this time that she has in recovery to build a relationship with God and for her that has helped and that is giving her some peace with herself. She spoke in a non-judgmental way and emphasized that it was her personal experience, and that personally it was a comfort and that she hoped that each member of the group themselves found what worked for them. The way she handled the topic was so mature, so almost even professional, that I wanted to hug her for it. She kept the focus on herself. She used "I" statements. She spoke with passion about something she cared about and hoped that others would hear her words and think on them but not think she was preaching to them. It was truly beautiful.

A New Frontier

2010-02-04T22:54:00.001-05:00

Yesterday was my first day at the local-to-my-home clinic that hosts the Intensive Outpatient Program for Substance Abuse. I managed to find my way through the morning traffic and locate the building and the parking. There I was met by another social worker who showed me my work area and the general layout of the office and gave me some reading materials to bring me up to speed on what they do.

Substance abuse is a huge topic of course. There’s a lot of research, a lot of facts, a lot of fiction and a lot of stigma. Besides working with a few clients in the HCHV this last semester, many of whom have a diagnosis of substance abuse or are dual-diagnosed (substance abuse plus another mental illness), my foray into this field has been minimal. My school offers a substance abuse class as an elective that they highly recommend everyone take (after psychopathology) but instead I took Housing and Community Development (one of the few macro electives they offer). So this new placement on Wednesdays is going to submerge me into the field of substance abuse treatment with a heavy emphasis on group work. The IOP program involves group therapy 3 days a week for 3 hours a day. I’ll be getting a snapshot into this treatment program since I’ll only be there one of the 3 days.

My first day was awesome. The group gave me permission to observe them and I saw basically every behavior that we discussed in the Intro to Groups class last year: anger, fear, despair, guilt, shame, group support, encouragement, affection, cohesion. It was an unusual day, according to the two social workers who run the group and who took the time to debrief me afterwards. I know that I’m going to learn a lot from this group and these two new MSW’s who will be guiding me during my stay there.

Today at the VA was Meeting Thursday with an additional “crisis management in the community” training thrown in. There we discussed safety when working with clients in the community, how to recognize when an emotional crisis is approaching and how to diffuse the situation. The focus included how to create a “safety plan” that is individualized for each client that explains what upsets them, what escalates their anger & negative emotions, and what techniques can be used to calm them. Overall a great class for the HCHV team to attend.

Another positive thing this week is I met with the HCHV client that I’ve been working with since last semester and updated his treatment plan. I talked to him about one of the programs that we discovered through the Employment Summit last month that I think would be a good match for him. He has the skills and the desire to start his own business and now I have a contact for a program called SCORE (www.score.org) which provides free mentoring to small businesses. When I gave the client this information he seemed so happy and excited to get started. Hopefully, he will contact them and start working on his dreams.

Monday Report

2010-01-25T13:11:00.003-05:00

So the past week was great in Field, ok in Class.

On Wed @ the VA we held the employment summit I'd been planning. And it went really well. We had over 20 people attend from over 11 different agencies! We told them about HCHV and then opened up the discussion to what we can be working on for getting our vets employed. There was some good networking going on and a lot of business card exchanges. We all have resources to share. And Sharing Resources is our #1 challenge -- everyone gets so used to doing Their Job and Their Limits that they need to pause and reach out to see who might have Other Methods. The HCHV personnel were all very impressed with the people I brought to the table. Some resources they hadn't thought of themselves to call. It was a GREAT feeling.

Thursday was meeting day . . . client screening, HCHV Admin Staff meeting, meetings with some of our residential providers. And good news came in, I've been approved to work at IOP starting Feb in Charlotte on Wednesdays. Less driving, immersion into Micro for a few weeks. . . all good things for me and my career.

Class . . . well, it's going to be a long tedious semester. But every class session gets me closer to the Ultimate Goal. Morning Accounting 101 class started with an Excel tutorial. So I helped my prof circulate and get my classmates on-track. Then we talked about 990 tax forms and the differences between profit and non-profit in terms of The Bottom Line. Overall an easy morning but future sessions promise to be spent staring at IRS forms . . .

718. Well that's a whole other story. We will be discussing cases every Saturday and for us with the benefit of getting back our grades on that particular case that very day. But all of us were very stressed over trying to figure out if we did well on the first case. I did well, but honestly wasn't sure I deserved the grade I got. I was so constrained by the format they want for these papers that I felt like I'd come to a terrible solution for the problem and left out a lot of important things. It was hard. But they will get easier (eventually). But there's a lot of personalities in our class so we do look like we will have some good discussions as class progresses. I was thrilled with my group that I was assigned to. One guy I've had quite a few classes with and we get along well (and he's hilarious!), one girl who i've had some great discussions with in the past and actually bonded over a disagreement, and another girl I don't know but certainly seems "on-top" of things. So hurray for good groups! It might not be as painful as originally thought!

The Haunting

2010-01-17T20:11:00.004-05:00

Mrs. Brockman.

She haunts my dreams even now. The mention of her name conjures up memories of a stern petite woman of barely 5 feet with greying tightly curled hair. And me, self-conscious and and awkward in gym shorts.

Mrs. Brockman was my high school P.E. teacher. I'm 32 years old and she still haunts my dreams.

She's my anxiety, my fear of failure. She is always between me and my goal.

So Friday night I dreamed of Mrs. Brockman and in that dream I was trying to give reasons for why I'd been skipping gym class. Hmm, maybe my desire to start working out more this semester to counter the grad school weight I've put on is partly to blame. That and it was the night before the first day of class. I think I've dreamed of Mrs. Brockman the night before the first day of class every semester I've been in grad school.

See, in Iowa, where I went to high school, they were very strict about P.E. You had to pass P.E. or they didn't let you graduate. 4 years of P.E. You could be sick all you wanted, skip your other classes, but if you missed too much P.E. you actually had to do make-up P.E. after school. I had some medical issues in high school that put me in the "special ed" of P.E. with a few other students. SO I had Mrs. Brockman for all 4 years of P.E. and all 4 years I felt like she felt none of us in that class deserved to be in a scaled-back P.E. class. She had mastered the heavy sigh of disappointment.

But back to the NOW. Mrs. Brockman won't be what can keep me from graduating. Only me at this point . . . and only 2 more classes.

736, Financial Management. As my prof put it Saturday morning "Accounting 101 for Non-profits". This is going to be painful but an incredibly useful class. We will be analyzing IRS form 990s (the non-profit tax return) and doing lots of numbers and budgets and calculations and charts and graphs. Hard for me with my aversion to numbers, but it promises to give me a lot of good tools.

718, Systems Analysis of Social Work Practice. Otherwise known as Capstone. This class stresses everyone in the program out. Everyone says "it's the hardest class, but it's also the best in the program". The workload seems immense. Every week we will have a case study analysis due. And everyone has to turn them in by 1pm on Wednesday -- even though my section meets on Saturdays. So I'll be working on and almost finished with the next assignment prior to us meeting to discuss the current assignment. It's a critical thinking class and there's no right answers, but I know I have a desire to be right, and so just knowing there's no "right" stresses me out. I guess it's along the lines of "pick the best answer". But the best will depend on your approach to begin with, so my best answer might be different from someone else's best answer! Confusing? Yes, indeed.

So off I go to write up my first case study analysis . . . then off to a hopefully Mrs. Brockman-less sleep!

Back in the field

2010-01-15T11:20:00.003-05:00

So I've now been back to field for 2 weeks (4 days on-site). And classes start tomorrow.

Last week at the VA I focused on our employment summit we are hosting. the HCHV director tasked me with gathering together community & government agencies from all over our catchment area -- 23 counties!-- around one table to discuss getting our homeless veterans back to work. She had some contacts herself and then I hit google and found some others -- like the small business association, the county economic development commissions etc. It was a lot of "cold calls," calling an agency not knowing anyone there but asking them to give me to someone who might be interested in the summit and then explaining what HCHV is and why they should be there. I hate cold calls. I really do. I get this knot in my stomach every time I pick up the phone. But the good news is, there are few who can resist the needs of homeless veterans. So overall, I got a great response. I have 10 different agencies confirmed and a good 3-4 as probables. The meeting is next Wednesday.

This week was inspection week. Every residential and transitional housing facility we place veterans must undergo an annual inspection. When I arrived on-station Wednesday morning my field instrutor said "hey Amy, we've got inspections today, do you want to go?" Sure! Something new and exciting! I followed her out where we got into Big Blue, the VA's 9-passenger gas-guzzler. And then filled it! It was her, me, the other GPD liaison, a facilities guy, a nurse, a dietitian, another social worker not involved in HCHV and therefore "impartial", a police officer, and the VISN HCHV director.

We went to 2 facilities. They are looked at for safety, hygiene, security, structural matters, etc. The nurse reviews client files for clinical and medical items, the social worker reviews the files for case management and documentation. The dietitian looks at the kitchen facilities and checks for cleanliness and food prep areas meeting govt standards (i.e., thermometers in the refridgerators with logs of daily readings). We spent about 2-3 hours at each site and give a preliminary report there. Any issues or deficiencies must be corrected in 20 days.

Thursday I spent the day in staffing, screening and treatment team meetings. And the afternoon finalizing things for the employment summit and leaving additional messages to those I hadn't gotten an RSVP from.

I finished with a meeting with my field instructor to go over the course of my learning for this semester. There are going to be some big changes this semester. First of all, I'm moving to a cube room. HCHV is rapidly expanding and we are bringing on 3-4 new staff in the next couple weeks. Our director is moving us all around to try to group us together by function. My fellow intern and I are being moved down the hall to a room that the VA converted into a room full of cubicles for people to work in (it was a large meeting/conference room). So I'm going to get a cube assigned to me, probably next week.

The other big change is that this semester, my classes are not going to tie quite so well with what I'm doing in field. I've got a capstone class that will just be case studies every week. The other class is a financial management class that is focused on non-profit finances. Since the VA is federal, they don't file the IRS forms that are listed in the assignments I'll be doing! So I'll be using my local red cross chapter for that class most likely.

So I talked to my field instructor about strengthening my micro practice. We talked about potentially assigning me more clients from one of our transitional housing programs. I mentioned that I'd like to get involved in a process group because I've only really done psycho-ed groups. She made a few phone calls and is currently working on getting me assigned to one of the out-patient clinics (that happens to be closer to my home) on Wednesdays. If that works out, I'll go there on Wednesdays, work with the social workers there all day and potentially do groups. Then I'd go up to the main hospital on Thursdays to do progress notes and keep up with HCHV. This would be excellent for me in terms of less travel (I drive for an hour to get to the hospital!) and completely new learning. So I'm hoping it works out.

@rogerebert Nil by Mouth

2010-01-07T22:19:00.003-05:00

I posted another article by Roger Ebert on the subject of Alcoholism. I really enjoy his writing. Here's another interesting one on loss due to illness.

Food is a very social thing, especially in the US. The loss of that social environment, and then the compenstation of creating an entirely new social circle online is fascinating from an intellectual and emotional perspective.

Welcome 2010

2010-01-01T03:53:00.004-05:00

So I've been meaning to post for a few days now. It's just been so darned busy my vacation is flying by!

I've had a flurry of holidays -- pre-christmas with my family, drive to NY, 4 days of NY family parties and visits, a really bad football game (giants on 12/27, ouch!) then drive back from NY. One of our dogs got sick and so I've been short on sleep this week and trying to piece back together the house while maintaining my part-time job workload this week.

But today is 2010 and so it's time to look towards the future. In 5 short months I'll be graduating with my shiney new degree. I start internship up again next week and already on my plate is planning an "employment summit" with community partners and organizing a town hall with our clients. Classes start for me on Jan 16th. I'm taking Financial Management and the Capstone class. Financial Mgmt is a new course designed for this revised macro tract so it will be interesting to see where they go with it. Capstone is really called "Systems Analysis and Social Work Practice" and consists of micros and macros being remixed together in the classroom and working on numerous case studies.

Now one thing I am really excited about it the fact that my Financial Mgmt text is available on the Kindle. My husband bought me my Amazon Kindle last year because he saw how much the loss of personal reading affected me. The idea was that I'd not feel guilty about doing some pleasure reading if I had newspapers and magazines and books all in one small device I could keep with me. It was truly a wonderful gift and I've now read numerous books to completion on my kindle and I love the device. It does make reading more convenient and accessible. Carrying around 20+ books at a time. And I've used it to transfer over the pdfs of articles required for class so I'm not printing out and lugging around massive course readers.

So my text for Financial Mgmt is the first time the actual text is available as an ebook kindle edition. It's $26.73 on the kindle, $29.70 for the actual book. Now, the book when bought from the campus bookstore comes with a CD so I'm not sure what will happen with that -- I might need to borrow a classmates if the prof actually uses the CD. But to have the text on my kindle will be a huge advantage for me. One less book to drag around!

Finding Me Again

2009-12-16T11:59:00.005-05:00

So I've been on this long journey that started in March 2006 when we moved from NJ to SC. I shifted from commuting to NYC every day for a full-time job that had become bad for my health, mentally and physically to working part-time from home with a sudden sense of loss. I wanted the move, and in fact, my husband would go back to NY tomorrow if I let him. But you know how they say be careful what you wish for.

Adjusting to SC was harder than I imagined -- I lost contact with some friends, lost the camaraderie of lunch with "the girls" in the office, lost a lot of my sense of purpose, and really lost the feeling of knowing what I was doing with my life. The point was to give me time and space for exploring options and deciding "what I want to be when I grow up" (something at 28 I'd not done yet) but standing there at the precipice of ANYTHING and EVERYTHING suddenly became very frightening. I could reshape myself and my career. It was a blank slate. And it terrified me.

So doubts and fear and a lot of other things normally kept at bay came flooding in and I needed help. I went to a doctor, explained the struggle I was having and got set up with a nice therapist. I also started taking antidepressants. This was something I didn't want to need and certainly was terrified at the prospect of needing. Here I was, about to embark on a great journey of self discovery and I wondered if I was going crazy. With the help of the antidepressants, the ambien, and the therapist, I got some of the uncontrollable anxiety and fear under control and started thinking straighter (not entirely straight, but somewhat less foggy is a way to describe it).

I applied for grad school, made a career choice, and started this new path to the MSW. After the first year of classes I started my first internship which once again turned my world upside down. Now I had an office to go to 2 days a week. I'd forgotten what that was like so quickly. And I needed to completely rearrange my part time work to accommodate this change. And then the house chores and grocery shopping needed to be moved around. It got dicey there for a while so I went back to the doctor, got the meds adjusted and got through it again.

The only constant is change, right? So as I progressed through my degree, things got easier in some things, and harder in others. I hit some really deep scary lows I'd never imagined ever reaching, and at the same time, other things just seemed meant to be and wonderful. Life is such a roller coaster to begin with and at times I was on a ride several times a week. I switched therapists at one point because I needed a different perspective and had different needs from a therapist. And I switched antidepressants because the one I was on seemed too strong and I was sleeping too much.

Over the summer and this semester, things have been mostly highs (in a good way). School is under control and I'm not killing myself with homework schedules just to get things done. I don't know if it's that I've finally gotten the hang of being a student -- mastered that balancing act. Or if I finally got to what I consider "the good stuff" -- the advanced classes learning what I want to learn and why I sought this degree. Whatever it is, I feel like I'm on cruise control to my degree. I am loving every minute of my internship this year and feel so productive and integrated and needed. I feel like I've found a place I could work for years and be happy and still learn new things every day.

So I went back to my Dr. She's a great general practitioner and she's been with me every step of this journey. We have a good rapport which is rare and very important. We have talked extensively about my health and my medication and my goals and my needs. Just as it should be. And we've decided, with the encouragement and input from my husband, that I'm going to phase out the antidepressants over the next few weeks. I'm actually on day 5 of a half-dose. They have served their purpose at this point, and I'm ready to be fully and entirely ME.

It's like I'm standing at the precipice again, but this time, I'm not scared. I'm happy and hopeful and ready to leap.

Holiday Spirit

2009-12-11T19:46:00.002-05:00

So today was my last day of field at the VA for the semester. Yesterday I did some "house cleaning" -- going through piles of paper on my desk and deciding what needs to be shredded. The VA has bins around every floor for "safe shredding". Anything goes in gets properly shredded and recycled.

I finished up my newsletter template for the VISN and emailed contacts that I'd be out until January and giving alternate forms of contact.

I sat down with my field instructor, summed up the semester and we did my review together. I did as I expected to and we discussed next semester. We also discussed getting my LMSW and the possibilities for employment upon completion of my internship. In SC you can take the ASWB's MSW test before graduation. This is a good thing in terms of employment for me so she's encouraging me to take advantage of that.

This morning went i n with small holiday presents for everyone in the HCHV. I've been so focused on school I have done nothing in terms of getting ready for Christmas or the holidays. No holiday shopping, decorating, etc. I haven't even made a Christmas wish list -- something that's making my family very annoyed with me. So it's been a while since I worked in an office and exchanged holiday gifts. I've in the past gotten good at finding ways to give small inexpensive gifts for office exchanges. So I bought 10 relatively inexpensive coffee mugs, a couple bags of holiday candy, a box of hot cocoa and tea. A little tissue paper and curling ribbon and I had some festive gifts for my new colleagues.

I put them on people's desks this morning and shortly got a head in my doorway. On of the team members I haven't really spent a whole lot of time with thanked me for my gift and said "You, know, things get really busy here around the holidays and people get really frazzled. We are so used to giving and giving to our clients, but we aren't often receivers. So this means a lot".

That comment alone can carry me to Dec. 25th!

Full-speed-ahead

2009-11-26T21:31:00.003-05:00

So this semester is rushing to the finale amazingly fast. I was at the VA yesterday finalizing things for the new award we are giving to our "best residential housing program" that I developed this semester. The award will be give out next Friday at our Holiday Party. I also worked more with our director on finalizing the departmental strategic plan and formatting it for VA consumption. I've got only 4 more days left at the VA this semester and I'll definitely miss it a lot.

In the meantime, I've got 2 papers due on the 5th and then I'm done. I'll be off until Jan 4th when I return to the VA. And then graduation is just around the corner. Full-speed-head, mark a course for MSW, Warp 9, Second star to the right and straight on till morning. . . .

Read,Think,Go: Debunking the Healthcare Viral Email

2009-11-24T12:09:00.000-05:00

Read,Think,Go: Debunking the Healthcare Viral Email

Giving Thanks

2009-11-23T13:46:00.002-05:00

So last week I was back to normal schedule with internship -- Wed/Thurs. Walking in I wasn't 100% sure what I'd be working on and my field instructor was off at training. But our director kept me very busy. She's finalizing the departmental strategic plan, using mine as an outline and just tweaking the goals. She's also working on some needed data for the VISN director and had me toss together a current organizational chart and a proposed organizational chart. That is easy-peasy for me to do, especially since I've got Visio on my VA machine. I also finalized the judging criteria for the HOPE award -- the award we are giving to the best residential treatment program -- and wrangled with the other intern's schedules trying to find a way to get them to be the actual judges.

I met again with the VISN director about the HCHV newsletter and we met with the facility media guy to talk software and formats. She wants me to go to a meeting with her in Duram in December with the VISN webmasters to talk about the homeless program website.

Anyway, this week is short due to Thanksgiving. I'll be in on Wed. which is kind of stressing me out because I'm hosting TG at my house Thurs and have a lot of cooking to do. But VA has been very good to me this year and I'm grateful for that so I'll make it work.

Next week is our Christmas party and then the 2nd week of December is the end of field for me. It has flown by oh so fast! I'll take a few weeks off and then be back again Jan 4 for more!

The Retreat Aftermath

2009-11-17T11:29:00.002-05:00

Ok so last week I attended the station-level strategic planning retreat. It was an interesting process and while in general much of the actual content was under a mutual "vegas rule" (what happens in this room stays in this room) I can make a few observations:

like any organization, there was a vast mix of people. The retreat was attended by approximately 70 leaders from every part of the VA Hospital and Clinics
Some people there didn't want to be there, some people thought it was useless, some people wanted to just get out of their day-to-day work, but the vast majority wanted to make a difference
The focus on everyone's mind was change -- changes in leadership we've undergone, changes in economy, changes in health care reform and will it affect us, changes in direction under the Obama Administration

They tried a new format for this retreat which actually used a large number of the activities that were in my text book. A lot of the people weren't sure if that was a good thing or not. In part, because the organizers didn't start off by saying "this is new, and strange, but we will get from point A to point B in this fashion". That was intentional on their part and I'm not sure that sat well with people. We spent a lot of time on day 1 on history which is important, but come day 2, the actual "work" part of setting goals seemed a bit rushed. And there was a lot of confusion. The organizers tried to randomly assign people to work groups but some people up and reassigned themselves based on what they wanted to work on. Just like pretty much any group I've ever worked with.

I tried participating fully in this process. While the Social Work Chief who was my "supervisor" for they day started off (unintentionally I expect) by introducing me as "just a student intern" I did throw myself into the process as much as possible, encouraged people to speak their minds, and gave my opinion with the caveat that I'm new and seeing things as an outsider. We had one group member who was extremely reluctant to give his opinion about certain matters because of his role at the VA he felt biased him in one direction or the other and I tried to convince him that his opinion was just as important. He didn't agree though :)

At the end of it all, I got a couple compliments from others about the way I handled myself at the event and that made me feel good and valued. That's something I've enjoyed at the VA, the feeling that they see interns as potential -- potential for learning and growth for the organization itself as well as for the student's own growth.

This week I'm back to normalcy so to speak -- I'll be working with the VISN HCHV Director on our newsletter/marketing project but for the next couple weeks will be back with my field instructor and the day-to-day work of the HCHV. Then there's Thanksgiving and then suddenly it's December and I'm done for this year! 2010 we'll begin anew!

Retreat!

2009-11-02T14:51:00.003-05:00

Ok so I realize I didnt' do a post on the retreat on 10/23 and that was in part because of my VA schedule being so thrown off lately that I was starting to burn out on things. Basically I had the retreat on Fri 10/23, then was back at the VA the following Tuesday 10/26 and Wed 10/27 doing the poster and then spent the rest of the week finalizing the HCHV strategic plan that I would be turning in for my class. It's not necessarily the HCHV strategic plan that will be adopted by the dept. at this point for a few reasons.

The retrat itself was good. It was nice to get away into a different location with all 12 staff and sit down and talk. We learned some new things about each other. And some people had a chance to get some things off their chests they needed to. Overall that was good. We started with a guest speaker who did a presentation on group communications and group cycles. Perhaps just because I am still in school and just did all that last year in my intro to groups class, I felt this info was kind of redundant to be presented to a group where 10 out of the 12 were social workers. The presenter was a staff psychologist who does team trainings. I personally thought we'd be better served with more trust building exercises but there were some positive responses from some of our staff who seemed to need that refresher on storming norming performing. So from the team's perspective, it was probably a good thing.

The afternoon was spent almost exclusively on SWOT (Strengths, weaknesses, opportunities, threats). We did SWOT exhaustively. Almost too much so because there's a lot of things we cannot control being a govt agency who get budget assigned by Central Office and cannot accept donations or get grants. Also Central Office determines what programs we do. So there's little wiggle room. Weaknesses like, we don't have cell phones for our outreach staff, cannot be fixed by us -- but only on the station level. I would like to have really pushed things into the next step which is determining and setting priorities for the next few years. We didn't get to that and really, that is what a strategic plan is. The VA tends to have that issue -- they think a good thorough SWOT = a strategic plan. Based on our text and class discussions, the SWOT is really an attachment for reference to the actual plan. If you don't take that next step, and decide ok, this is where we are, here's how we are going into the future, you're not doing strategic planning.

So when it got down to writing my strategic plan, I picked what I would work on, what goals and objectives I would set if I were in charge. I'll take this as a "rough draft" to the director and between the 2 of use we'll figure out the real ones. But due to time constraints with the paper being due on 10/31 and needing to get the poster done last week instead of further working on the strategic plan, I had to go with just making up the goals and objectives based on what looked appropriate from the materials gathered at the retreat. In the coming weeks I'll meet with our director and we'll get the next steps done and revise my "skeleton" plan and make it their own.

This week I am doing field from home. My field instructor will be in DC at the summit and I have some things I am working on for the VISN director that I can do from home. I'm reworking an exisitng station-level hchv newsletter to create a visn level newsletter and then she and I will work on a marketing plan over the next few weeks. What this means to me is not having to get up at the crack of dawn to be on the road at 630am 2 days this week. Without the 1.25 hr drive each way I feel almost like I'll be on vacation. This is quite well-timed because everything has been so time-pressive. So a week to take some time, play with some desktop publishing and then go back next week refreshed for the station-level strategic planning retreat on 11/9 & 11/10.

Monster Poster Madness

2009-10-29T14:58:00.007-04:00

So for the last 3 weeks I've been spending excessive amounts of internship and personal time on making a poster. Next week my field instructor and director will be attending a National Homelessness Summit sponsored by the VA. It's going to focus on Obama's zero-tolerance policy for homeless veteran's and VA Secretary Shinseki's 5-Year Plan to eliminate homelessness among our Veterans. It's a huge event being attended by VA's across the country as well as homelessness community agencies.

My director had submitted a proposal to do a workshop at the Summit on Building and Maintaining Community Partnerships. This was a workshop she developed when she was with a different VA and she had an old powerpoint of about 40 slides for it. The Summit organizers accepted her prosposal - but not for a workshop, for a poster presentation.

My director was unprepared to do a poster presentation. She figured they'd just load up their normal presentation board into the car (they are driving to DC) and then put the power-point up on that. But then my filed instructor got the brilliant idea that maybe I could work on it and do something for it. SO I contacted the organizers who first of all said "don't bring any presentation boards! we will give you basically a 4x8ft bulletin board and some thumb tacks to post your poster on". So I had some dimensions, a power point, and a stong drive to make this into something .

This is what I ended up with. I literally spent 2 Sundays all-day at home just working on it. Plus the majority of my field days for the last 3 weeks. Going back and forth and getting the text finalized and stuff. Yesterday I spent the entire day converting my new powerpoint into a special program for the large-scale printer at the VA (and only 2-3 people on station know how to use this program!) and then tweaking the colors until it was done. Each sheet is 2 foot tall by 8 foot wide printed on 36" tall paper so we had to trim it after it was printed so the 2 of them will fill the space of 4x8ft. I had to make sure that as the thing printed that it had plenty of time to dry because if anything touched it the ink would just get everywhere. And then spray it with stuff to make the ink stay put. Printing one took about an hour and then a good 30 minutes for drying, spraying and then drying again.

Chill in the air . . .

2009-10-20T11:46:00.003-04:00

So it turned October and suddenly it got cooler in a lot of places. I heard about snow in my former home-town in Iowa last week and below-freezing temps in Chicago. Here in the south it's cooled to the 40-50's at night with highs in the upper 60's/low 70's. The house is about 60 today for the 2nd day in a row so I'm cuddled with a blanket and 2 heat-seeking dogs who are fighting for ideal lap placement for maximum warmth.

So last Wed and Thurs at the VA, just in time for the cooler weather they finally fixed the A/C in our building and had it on full-blast. I was shivering all day! After weeks of sweating in stuffy offices, it was a welcome change to be cold. But I anticipate needing to invest in some nice sweaters soon if they keep the A/C on much longer.

So Wednesday morning I ran my first Homeless Veteran Burial Program comittee meeting. It was me, a rep from the funeral home, 2 reps from the national cemetary, a rep from the VHA's Voluntary Services department. Coming late to the meeting was the HCHV Director (my field instructor's boss) and a rep from the VBA. I had an agenda and we had some very focused discussion on each point, when we came to what sounded like an agreement I repeated it and wrote it down as a decision. I then that afternoon typed up meeting minutes and a general "Standard Operating Procedure" for the program and sent it to all participants -- including those not able to attend the meeting.

Thursday I attended the weekly treatment meeting and then we had a department-wide lunch to catch up, relax a bit and celebrate 3 team members birthdays (mine included!). All 12 of us were there and it was great to chat with everyone as a group and hear more about people's lives. One of our social worker's husband is coming home this week from deployment in Iraq and she's so happy and excited and yet so concerned still for his safe return home.

I spent the afternoon working on the poster for the National Summit that my field instrutor, the hchv director and one of our outreach workers will be going to. The poster presentation is themed on Building and Maintaining Community Partnerships. It can be up to 4 ft tall by 8ft wide. The one I've been working on matches our printing capabilities at the VA and will be 4x4ft square. I had to do some research on poster presentations at conferences first to figure out what a normal format is for these things. Then I worked on translating a 30 slide powerpoint workshop into visuals for a poster. I think I must be doing something right because I got positive feedback from my field instructor. I sent it to all participants who need to give input for finalization. I need them to finalize text specifically -- make sure I've translated what they want to express appropriately.

This week I'll be finishing off the poster and attending the HCHV Strategic Planning Retreat. It's a one-day out-of-the-office experience where we will sit down, think about our strengths and weaknesses and programs. We'll be using some of my materials from my Social Planning class as strategic planning is what that class is all about. I will then write their actual strategic plan which will be used for planning the next few years of their department. I'll also be turning it in for class as writing a "mock" strategic plan is 60% of my grade. That I'm given the opportunity to write an actual one is a huge benefit to me and reflective of the VA's dedication to providing meaningful learning experiences to its student interns. I honestly don't think I'd be getting this experience anywhere else.

The first week of Nov, in part because my field instructor will be in DC but also because of her support for my continued education, I will be attending the Strategic Planning Retreat for the entire station. That will be 2 days of intense planning and analysis of the goals of the entire medical center. It will be attended by the heads and chiefs of every service in the hospital -- from Mental Health, Primary Care, Home-based Care, Hospice, Social Work, Housekeeping, Maintenance, Facilities, Food Service, etc. The future of the entire hospital and all out-patient clinics for the next 5 years will be decided at this event. I'm really excited about this opportunity. It will be unlike any other I think any MSW student in my program will be getting.

TGIFall Break

2009-10-09T19:17:00.002-04:00

So although the College decided that we must have class this Saturday despite fall break, both my professors have assigned online classwork or watching a moving and reporting on it instead. So although its an extra assignment for both, this means tomorrow I can sleep in and will have 2 days in a row of WEEKEND. This is really huge cause I have a couple home things I wanted to do this weekend in addition to the normal house chore routine.

So field this week was intense. I am taking on more and more exciting projects and then looking at my schedule and thinking, when will I get this all done. 3 social workers from my dept, including my field instructor will be going to DC the first week of Nov for a summit on ending homelessness and Obama's 0 tolerance for veteran homelessness. I'll be working on developing a poster presentation on the importance of community collaboration in HCHV that my field instructor will enter in a competition at the summit. When I offered to help the Director of my dept got excited and said "maybe we'll win an award!" Yikes! So I'll be conceptualizing that this weekend as we need to have what we are doing finalized by the end of next week so it can go to the printer to be created.

I also sat down with the VISN HCHV Director who only does macro social work and she wants me to assist her in Nov as well. She's already given me a mini-project of updating her newsletter and making it a more general "this is what HCHV is in VISN 6" document. That is due Oct 29th. I want to do a couple different work-ups with different formats and color options for her.

I think of these projects as my opportunity to show the VA who I am and what I can do. I told my husband "its like a year-long job interview" because honestly, I'd be honored to work there and am loving it so much. So every paper I'm writing for class, every project I work on there, they all will be part of my argument for why I'm a valuable asset to keep. It's very intense but I know I'm up to the challenge!

Thunder in the Night

2009-10-01T21:55:00.006-04:00

What do you say to someone on the anniversary of the death of 20 brothers?

One of the things that I treasure most about my field placement at the VA is that it has added a whole new dynamic to my relationship with my father. He was in the US Navy for 1968 to 1972 and went to war for our country. He worked in his ship's laundry/dry cleaning plant and also was trained as a barber. One doesn't really think about the unglamorous jobs that some of our military servicemen and women have, but a ship is a floating city and they need their uniforms cleaned and pressed and someone has to do it.

In 1972 the USS Newport News, a heavy cruiser, was sent to Vietnam. It participated in battle there, firing upon Haiphong Bay and receiving fire in return. From May until October the ship participated in combat missions firing upon Vietnam, would refuel and restock periodically from other Navy ships, and occasionally return to the Philippines for maintenance. October 1, 1972 the ship was once again on the shores of Vietnan when an "event" occurred.

This is the description on the official USS Newport News CA 148 website has several official descriptions of the event as well as some first-hand accounts (see: http://www.unm.edu/~spardo/mempray.htm and also http://www.zeewebnet.com/Ray_Kopp/). As well as memorial pages for the fallen. Here is a video in which the XO at the time describes the "event": http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UbUJY5r1h7c

Basically, a round exploded in a gun turret and 20 men died. One of these men my father describes as "a close friend". The other 19 he might not have known in-depth, but they were on a ship together and as a barber and a dry cleaner, my father had direct contact with them.

As I progress through my internship at the VA I am often struck by the stories that the veteran's have. All of them have a story. All of it is deeply meaningful and has affected every aspect of their life. I treasure these stories up in my heart and hold them close so that I may honor these heroes by serving their needs now. Yet most of all I treasure now the moments that I've been able to sit with my own father and as a daughter hear his story with a new perspective and new understanding of the military life. His story shapes who he is, and shapes who I am.

So what does one say to a person on the anniversary of the death of 20 brothers? In my case, I say, I love you Dad.

the more on that laters . . .

2009-09-30T20:31:00.003-04:00

Ok so last week at field life was good. I got given a new project which I'm excited about. We want to create an award for the transitional housing programs for the best program. My field instructor bought a trophy we'll give out that the winning program will get to keep for a year. She wants me to develop the nomination form and judging criteria and it will be "my project". We'll use the other social work interns (my fellow HCHV intern and the others who are throughout our station) as the official judges. She gave me complete creative liberty so I asked if I could name the award and make flyers and she told me to "go for it".

I immediately sat and worked on names last week, trying to find an appropriate acronym word to describe the award and related to the overall mission of the transitional housing program. I reread the HCHV mission statement and vision and the HCHV mission and vision. One of the goals listed in the HCHV mission/vision/values statement was "to instill hope". So I decided on HOPE to be my acronym. Then I just needed words to make HOPE work. I tried out quite a few and settled on Healthy Outcomes & Program Excellence. I created a flyer and started on the nomination form.

The other good thing from last week was finally progress on my community organization project -- the homeless veteran's burial program we are starting in conjunction with a local funeral home. I'm going to be the point of contact for the VA on this and I met with our HCHV director who gave me a list of people from various VHA departments we need on the excutive committee. My job is to track these people down, explain the importance of this program and get them to all agree on a meeting date and time. We are aiming for Oct 14.

Class on Saturday was interesting. We had a guest lecturer for Social Planning in the morning who is the college's current development director. In social work that means "the dude who finds the money". His job is to court potential donors to the university and steer them to the college of social work. In past jobs he's had extensive fund raising and grant writing experience and gave us a lot of good tips on grant writing. I took notes that I hope one day I'll be able to find again!

Afternoon class was at the Mall. Our instructor is part of a community coalition that seeks to provide programs for teens in the community. But they want to know what Teens want. What are their problems? What are their needs? So the point of the event was to collect teens at the mall, direct them to our area and get them to sit down and take some surveys. The surveys were really cool and had audience participation buttons and live results for discussion. They had some teen performances (dance) and a DJ from a local radio station lead a discussion on issues affecting teens today. They also had a motivational speaker talk about effective communication. The class, as volunteers at this event, were charged with seeking out teens around the mall and trying to send them towards the event. This was harder than it sounded. I walked around with a classmate and several times discussed whether the young people we saw were indeed teens. These days it looks like 12 year olds run all the fast food places. What does a 16 year old look like these days? Also the mall itself was sparsely populated for a Saturday. Apparently a newer snazzier mall was built a few years ago but they would have charged for the event space. Overall it was interesting and we'll have a lot to discuss this upcoming Saturday in class.

Today I was back at the VA for another good day of field placement. I spent the morning calling various people and leaving messages about the burial program, typing up an email to those same people about the first meeting we are trying to schedule, finalizing the flyer for the HOPE award and finishing the nomination form. My field instructor liked the acronym and the flyer and had me also do a cover letter explaining the award and we set a schedule for nominations and judging. I also suggested we give the programs a certificate with the year on it for them to keep so that they have something to hang on their wall and be proud of even if the trophy moves to another site. So I created a certificate and talked to our program assistant about getting in some nice card stock for printing it on. I also started trying to figure out the judging criteria which will be tricky but at least I have a couple weeks for that now that the basic nomination package is done.

Also today I met with a woman who works in facilities and who writes the entire station's strategic plan. The meeting went really well and she seemed excited that there was an intern interested in her job and also able to speak her "strategic" language. We discussed their planning process and strategic planning retreats and she invited me to join her at their major one in November. This will be attended by all the heads of service as well as the other big-whigs at the station. Very exciting!!! I discussed that with my field instructor who was supportive and thought it would be a great experience for me. She also mentioned to me when we were discussing the awards program and I was updating her on the status of the burial program that she would have to request a macro student next year because she could get used to having an intern to help with projects such as these.

This afternoon we had our first group supervision session. This is when my field instructor brings all 8 of us together to discuss various competencies the VA wants to make sure we have when we leave the internship. The point being that we will reflect the standards of the VA in whatever we do after this placement and they want to ensure that we are professional and competent. Today we talked about boundaries and ethics and patient privacy. The boundaries discussion was particularly informative and we did some sharing about our experiences so far in the program. It was nice to see each other as a group again and hear what the others are doing in their areas. We discussed the desire to cross-train in other areas and how to balance that on top of learning all there is to know about our assigned department. The VA so far has been very supportive of us in terms of asking us what we want to learn and giving us opportunities to do so. One of the other interns had actually spent yesterday shadowing the HCHV director because she has worked with non-va homeless and wanted to see the VA's take on this difficult population.

Anyway, I'm loving every minute of my internship this year. Can you tell? Now its time to write my critique of the station's strategic plan!

BPD and updates

2009-09-25T10:42:00.003-04:00

I'm due for my weekly post on field and I missed a post on class last weekend. Such is life when there are video games to play and a touch of senioritis (already!).

Field is going great so more on that later . . . class is good too. The homework this year is really amazing. Either after 2 years i've finally "got it" and I'm totally not stressed, or the texts this year are incredibly easy to read, understand and follow, or finally I'm reading "the good stuff" that I went back to school to learn because I read 4 chapters last night in about 2 hours and felt like I'd retained it all. Class tomorrow afternoon is "at the mall" so more about that later . . .

In the meantime, I read the Therapy Doc's blog and learn a lot of good stuff there. She is always good about posting resources and links to more info.

Here's her post on Borderline personality disorder . . . . http://everyoneneedstherapy.blogspot.com/2009/09/borderline-personality-disorder-and.html

The Stand Down results

2009-09-18T22:25:00.003-04:00

So this morning I dragged myself into the shower at 420am, put on makeup and clothes -- including my Stand Down official T-Shirt, and was greeted by my awake and alert father in my kitchen. We got our stuff organized and headed out to the Stand Down.

We got there right at 7am and were the 2nd VA reps on site. We dove in to start working on last-minute prep of the stage and vendor tables. We grabbed some quick Marine-made breakfast in the process and were ready for the veterans to start pouring in. My dad was given "traffic control" for the registration process guiding people in and out of the registration area. If a veteran had never been seen at a VA facility before we needed to do a basic eligibility form with them. Also homeless veterans were were requested to complete what we call the X form which is our basic intake form. That's how I spent my morning -- siting down one-on-one and completing eligibility and x-forms. This was my first trip through an x form which is a mini-assessment of the veteran's homelessness history, medical history, alch/drug use and current emotional state. This form is used to guide the vet into appropriate referrals for pych, substance abuse, transitional housing, medical appointments, etc. The morning flew by. I was surprised at how many of the people I interviewed who admitted to having hallucinations. Usually alc/drug related or ptsd related.

Things started slowing down around 11am in terms of registration and I got shifted to the check out table. There we collected their cards which showed which stations they'd visited and asked them to fill out a 3 question survey. Then they could grab lunch and a bag of clothes on the way out. The checkout line was quite long until well after 1pm as we let them go get clothing in small groups. Around 1 one of the other interns took over my station at check out so I could eat.

I met a lot of people from the health department and other agencies in the area. Saw some of the clients I've met at the transitional housing facilities, inlcuding the client I'm doing the treatment plan for this year. I introduced my dad to all the social workers I work with and he had a blast connecting with Vet clients and volunteers throughout the day. He wore his Vietnam hat and his vest with all his ribbons and patches proudly. We also took some time to have him talk to a benefits counselor while there about his own service and eligibility.

Overall it was a good day. I had quite a few guys who I did intake x-forms with in the morning do the survey for me on the way out of the check-out line that I recognized. Several of them reached for my hand to shake and thanked me for being there. I felt proud to be there and hoped that in the subsequent weeks the HCHV team would follow through with them and get them the help that they need. At one point I did an x-form with a vet who said he needs to drink alcohol all day or he hears strange things. He looked me in the eyes and said "I'm homeless and I'm a drunk and I need help". After I finished his paperwork I escorted him to our substance abuse table and introduced him to our counselor there. I hope we can place him in a treatment program so he can get sober and then get into some of our housing.

This was a lot more extensive micro contact for me at this internship. It felt good. I felt like I knew what I was doing, felt that my words had meaning and conveyed confidence and brought a small amount of comfort. A lot of the guys I interviewed knew they'd get what they needed today, but had serious doubts about tomorrow. That's where our program needs to step in. Our out-reach workers will be very busy in the coming weeks tracking these veterans down and trying to get them in for services.

Prin's Links for Social Work Students: Postcards from Amerah

2009-09-15T09:38:00.000-04:00

Prin's Links for Social Work Students: Postcards from Amerah

As a resident of South Carolina, I have to agree. In my classes we discuss how all the "news" involving SC lately in politics has been full of scandal and embarrassment.

Stand Down 2009

2009-09-14T22:36:00.002-04:00

This week I will be participating in one of the big events the HCHV program at my VA participates in -- the Stand Down. Basically this event is a one-day one-stop-shop for homeless veterans in our area. Participants will get 2 hot meals, showers, haircuts, clothing, bags of food, hygiene kits. They can also be seen by a doctor, a dentist, a substance abuse counselor, a mental health counselor, a benefits counselor, as well as a variety of local community services that also participate. I'll be spending the day Thursday doing set-up for the event and all day Friday for the event.

I've enrolled my father, who is a Vietnam Vet, as a volunteer for the event. He has been curious about my work at the VA as a social work intern and this will be an excellent way for him to see the fruits of the HCHV and the VA's labor come together. He'll be assigned somewhere on the floor himself to assist with operating one of the many stations the veteran's can visit throughout the day. I'm looking forward to introducing him to my field instructor and fellow social workers and spending the day doing "good work" with him nearby.

Internship is starting to fall into a bit of a routine. We acutally had a quiet week last week. We had group training for the social work interns -- something that will continue throughout the year. We'll have regular meetings and trainings and group supervision together which I think is a wonderful approach. There are 8 of us total spread throughout the various departments that contain social workers at the hospital. Some of my fellow interns are in PSTD in-patient, poly-trauma, suicide prevention, mental health intensive case management, etc. This provides us a means to learn from one another and network with each other throughout the year.

Class is going well so far this year. I don't know if I'm finally getting the hang of this or if this semester is deceptively calm so far. Readings seem less long and arduous (of course, I'm finally reading macro coursework which I LOVE), and the papers seem manageable. This week I'm writing an "Agent of Change Autobiography". What social change have I participated in to date? What am I passionate about? What do I want to change in this world? All pretty deep questions. Thankfully I've been pondering them for almost 3 years now as I pursue my degree. I just need to articulate my thoughts coherently on paper.

Tx R&R

2009-09-04T10:04:00.000-04:00

So this week at the VA my field instructor took me, my fellow intern, and 2 other interested social workers on a tour of the outreach program. We visited a huge men's shelter that houses 260 men - 130 of which live in a giant warehouse space that has been divided into cubicles with 2 bunk-beds (4 men) to a cube. It was a slick operation with 2 meals x day, onsite mental health and nursing and even volunteer-based dentistry. Then we headed to a meeting for one of the 2 stand-downs we'll be taking part in this year. Then we hit a soup kitchen, art therapy shop, and ended the day at one of our transitional housing facilities where we broke off individually to meet with clients. My field instructor had assigned me a client to do a tx plan follow-up with and he and I talked for about 40 min. Then the next day I presented his updated plan at the team tx plan meeting and formatted my notes to go into his permenant file.

I enjoyed my internship a lot last year but this one keeps me so much busier! At my supervision meeting we discussed all her plans for me this year and I told her what I wanted to work on personally as well. It's so very exciting - I truly feel challenged and think I will thrive in this atmosphere.

No class this weekend for Labor Day so I hope to get some good r&r this weekend!

The Middle of Nowhere: Sundays with Szymborska

2009-08-31T11:45:00.000-04:00

The Middle of Nowhere: Sundays with Szymborska

I really like this poem. Kinda falls into the -- you-are-what-you-are,-so-you-might-as-well-accept-it-and-make-it-great theme I've been experiencing of late.

reaching out and staying in

2009-08-28T13:36:00.003-04:00

So 2 more days of field down. Still enjoying every minute.

Wednesday we went to a meeting with a non-profit that is seeking to acquire a building to do some kind of veteran's program. They were seeking guidance and support from the VA on what was needed in the area the most and what kinds of programs would fit the building they were considering. It was interesting meeting them and seeing how their initial thoughts ran, and then combined with what info the VA reps in the meeting were giving them, the excitement grow for the possibilities and potential for their program.

Thursday was internal meeting day -- went to another treatment meeting. This are interesting to sit in on because it shows how you never really ever have all the answers but hopefully you have a good team backing you up and helping guide you in what needs to be done.

Spent the rest of my time doing trainings. There are a lot of trainings that are required of all employees and interns annually or every 2 years. I did another privacy training, IT security training, driving government vehicles training, and Whistleblower/discrimination training. All of these just reinforce the commitment to ethical practice in the hospital.

Had my first official "supervision" meeting with my field instructor as well. She had given me a small budget to do which we discussed at length and she showed me how the govt requires things to be formatted. We also discussed how the VA on a macro level and HCHV in particular tries to combat social injustice. Overall another satisfying week.

Thursday the other interns started (their schools start field later) so I now have company! It will be interesting working with my partner intern who is from a different school & is in the micro concentration, but we share an office and field instructor. I anticipate bouncing off each other in our learning process.

AA

2009-08-25T15:54:00.004-04:00

I read Roger Ebert's blog. He's a wonderful writer and I enjoy his written reviews of movies more than I ever enjoyed his tv shows. Since he's been ill and lost his voice (the actual vocal one), he's been writing prolifically on his blog on a wide variety of topics.

Today he posted an article on his experience in AA: http://blogs.suntimes.com/ebert/2009/08/my_name_is_roger_and_im_an_alc.html

First Day of School

2009-08-25T10:34:00.003-04:00

So Saturday was my first day of school for the Fall semester. Doesn't really seem like it as I only had a week off since my last class ended! But the final year has begun!

This semester I'm taking Social Planning (9am-12noon) and Community Organizing (1pm-4pm).

The morning class is not being lead by a professor but instead by a CEO of a non-profit. He has a MSW (got it from my school in the 90's) and he runs his own health services: three HIV/AIDS service sites, a child abuse and neglect center, a community health center, and a wellness center.In this class the major assignments will be: interview someone who has written a strategic plan and critique the plan (based on the information in our text), write our own mock strategic plan, write a business plan, and write a marketing plan. All very exciting stuff.

My second class is being run by an adjunct prof I've had before (for my summer class Administrative Skills) who I really like. She has done extensive amounts of macro work and program administration. In that class we have 3 main assignments: write an "agent of change" autobiography, participate in a community organizing project (at least 25 hours of involvment, keep a journal, participate in a discussion forum, and write a paper about the project), and for the rest of our grade each of us is responsible for facilitating discussion during at least 2 classes on the reading materials including creating a group activity.

These requirements, on paper, don't seem to be that difficult. The main thing will be keeping up with the readings each week -- having 2 classes worth of readings each week will stack up fast.

Total Immersion

2009-08-25T09:47:00.003-04:00

So I spent 4 days in field last week. I showed up bright and early day 1, found the office I needed to go to. My field instructor was just returning from vacation herself so she had a massive amount of email and vmail to go through first thing so she let me into the intern office and gave me things to read. I'm working in the Health Care for Homeless Veterans program (HCHV). My reading materials were the student intern manual, the client handbook, and a "military terms for non-military people" guide.

Two hours later she popped her head into the office and said "are you ready to go? Bring your things, we won't be back".

She then guided me to her car and said we'd be picking up a VA vehicle and asked me to drive so she could work on returning more phone calls. We went to 2 transitional housing facilities that day -- one for females and one for males. I met some clients, watched her do 2 intakes, and toured the facilities.

Day 2 was PMDB day. We spent the morning in Prevention and Managment of Disruptive Behavior class. This was a mini-self-defense class where we learned techniques to deal with violent behavior and how to get out of holds/grabs and minimize damage should a client or coworker attack. Very interesting stuff.

Day 3 was meeting day. I sat in on a treatment meeting where my field instructor and the other HCHV team members who carry case loads (and pretty much all of the social workers do!) went over the status of clients in their treatment plans and got advise/suggestions on how to proceed. This was followed by the Admin meeting with all HCHV staff and a union representative. There they discussed various upcoming events HCHV is planning/organizing, and each program gave a report. HCHV consists of a few programs: outreach, where they go out into the community to find homeless veterans and get them signed up for services, the contract housing for veterans with serious mental illness (SMI), the grant per diem program where other non-profits apply for grants to construct or renovate housing for housing homeless vets and then apply for grant per diem where they are reimbursed for housing vets (my field instructor is the Liason for this program), they also provide transportation for homeless vets from facilities and shelters to the Hospital for services.

The rest of Day 3 was more information absorbtion: I talked with a few of the other HCHV stafff, read through the Grant Per Diem Liason manual and started reading the actual grants for a couple of the facilities.

Day 4 was another day in the community. We went to visit with a couple people who are interested in converting houses they own into housing for homeless vets, then met with someone who works with a local non-profit working with men being released from prison to house them and provide job training with whom the VA might contract with for vets who enter the program and then attended a program kickoff meeting for a new program being started by a local funeral home to provide military funerals at no charge to homeless and indigent vets.

I've learned a lot of things in these 4 days. I'm starting to get a handle on the programs provided and the role my field instructor and the other team members play in them. I'm seeing how her role is a mix of direct-service with her caseload and program administration. We discussed me having a small caseload of my own to help me expand my boundaries in terms of direct service.

Other fun facts:

The VA is divided up into VISNs (Veterans Intergrated Service Networks). Our VISN covers all of NC and parts of Virginia and West Virginia.
Our hospital facility covers 23 counties! That's a huge area with lots of driving -- some of our vets are over 2 hours away but have to get to the hospital!
Community outreach and being in the community is the norm for this department -- which makes it ideal for a macro student like me to work in!
The funding from this program is set directly by Congress's appropriations. Obama has set a goal to wipe out homelessness for vets in the next 5 years and therefore Congress has funded HCHV for 2010 with additional monies to perform that mandate.

Overall I was really happy with what I was learning. I think I am going to really enjoy working with this department and will learn a lot from my field instructor. She's already given me some budgeting homework to work on!

Ripples in the water

2009-08-24T17:39:00.004-04:00

I'm going to break this into a couple posts because a lot has been going on in the past week. :)

First of all, when you are in grad school or really any kind of additional life-learning for an extended period of time, it affects every aspect of your life in some way. You might not think it will, but eventually you'll realize that you've put something aside, changed something you normally would do, affected someone else in a different way because you have this other life thing happening.

So this past week was my modified "block" week for my field placement. The goal being to immerse oneself into the field for several days in a row so that you can get orientated, trained, and adjusted. What this meant for me was that I worked my dayjob Monday, then spent Tues-Fri at field. And it affected every aspect of my life in some way.

First of all, as I've written before, my field placement is about an hour drive away. Not a big deal when doing it 2 days a week and when I'm passionate about doing THIS field placement. Four days in a row, however, of waking up at 530, attempting to get cleaned up and "pretty" and in the car by 630 and be conscious and ready to learn at 8am was a big deal.

I have 2 lovely dogs who I adore. They give me a reason to smile and cuddle when I am sad or lonely or angry. They sleep in the bedroom with my husband and I and are our family. When I switch from working from home to going to field, this affects them directly because that means they get crated for the day. Now they can handle it and my husband stops by at lunch to give them a potty break etc. But they don't like it. They prefer I'm home. And changes in my schedule become changes in their schedule and that becomes a crisis for me when they have been sleeping all day and now are wide awake at 3am or need to go out at 4am because they ate dinner later and I'm trying to get in that needed 6 hours of sleep before that alarm goes off once again. So throughout the week Tues-Fri, I was energized and learning new things, but I was also spending 2 hours driving I don't normally do and accumulating significant sleep deficits each night. It affects everyone.

Tuesday my boss at my dayjob asked me to please do a few things when I got home. Sure, I said! I can handle it! Well, simple things turn into much longer complicated things and suddenly I've been working for 2.5 hours, never got around to eating my dinner I was looking forward to treating myself too and I'm really grumpy and tired. So when my husband gets home I snap at him and then have to apologize, which he understands of course but that doesn't make it right.

So overall, 4 days of field mixed with lack of sleep really kicked my rear last week. But it was exciting and thrilling at the same time.

The anticipation . . .

2009-08-17T10:09:00.002-04:00

well, it's not killing me. . . but . . .

So today I work my normal job and then Tues-Fri I start my field placement. This, despite the late start, gives me exactly the number of days at internship the school requires me to have at this point. Of course the VA isn't really ready for me this week -- the other interns from other schools all start the last week of August. SO it will be just me and my field instructor this week.

My head is full of all kinds of questions and craziness right now. For example:

Have i picked out the right outfit for tomorrow? Do I have the right jewelry, makeup etc.
what if I hate it?
What if I hate my field instructor?
What if she hates me?
Should I pack a lunch and if I do, where will I put it? (there's a cafeteria on campus but geez its expensive, they charge for refills on soda, etc.)
What if I am too tired and groggy to be effective tomorrow from getting up early to drive there?
What am I going to be doing!?!?
Supposedly I'll be working in Mental HEalth for Homeless Veterans -- will I be doing direct service? A mix?

Anyway, I won't know until I get there :) So there's no use worrying. That's what I tell myself. And with the help of the work I've been doing on my own mental health the last 2 years I'm a lot better at the not worrying. Previously I'd be making myself nauseous/sick and wouldn't sleep a bit tonight in fear of oversleeping and being late. I'm much better at this now and whether I like it or not, I will learn a lot at the VA. And that will be a good thing.

In the meantime, I've got my ducks in a row for school starting Saturday. This year instead of doing an all-day 9-4 class every other Saturday I've got both classes on the same Saturday -- one 9-12 and the next 1-4. This means doing homework for 2 classes each week instead of trading off classes each week. As a macro student I have smaller classes -- 12 people in one, 8 in the other. I see some new names on the rosters so that should be interesting. My classmates who I consider friends that went micro will be on the same schedule so we'll all be able to do lunch together and compare classes.

I know one of my profs from my summer macro class which I loved so that's no worries there. Don't know the other prof but overall I've found that I can deal with any of the profs the university throws at me.

In the meantime, I've read 2.5 books in the last week and plan on finishing the one I'm on by Saturday. Also a new video game I've been looking forward to is hitting open beta today so I plan on spending my evenings hanging out in that world to relax. Overall, I should be good and refreshed come Saturday and ready for my final year of school! May graduation, here I come!

I'm Free . . . for now

2009-08-10T14:01:00.003-04:00

So VA Bootcamp wrap-up:

Day 3 was pretty interesting. We had more safety info, had more ethics and stuff. Lots more rules, regulations, things to read. We also had our basic computer training. The VA, from an IT standpoint, is impressive. Every employee takes security very seriously and computer security is really tight. Everyone has a roaming profile which means you can log into any computer as yourself and bingo, all your stuff is right there. I've never seen such well-trained staff on security. In part because the put the fear of the powers that be during orientation. We had to sign for our user ids and run through a class on logging in and using their specialized systems. All very good stuff.

So that ended my 3 day internship. I think I like my fellow interns and I'm really rearing to get started already! But before that I've got some time. This is a good thing at this point. So Thurs & Fri was all about finishing summer school. The final paper, worth 45% of our grade was due Saturday and despite my strong desire to get a jump start on it and have it done early, I just couldn't focus after my days at the VA and really got no where.

So the paper was our executive summary of the program evaluation we did -- what we learned comparing the alcohol and drug policies and procedures at my school to other "model" programs at other schools. It was really quite interesting to do, to read about, and hopefully among us all, the university will get a couple good suggestions.

So Saturday was the last class, got things turned in and all finished. Should know my grade by the end of this week. But I'm confident I did well.

I took today off of work so I could extend my weekend and have some ME time today. Then I'm working my paying job TUes-Frid this week so that I can be at the VA again the following week. And first day of classes is the 22nd for me. So right now I'm free -- no homework, no readings to do, no papers to write. I can read for fun, catch up on tv, and relax after work like a normal human being! So good for my health to have this little bit of a break!

VA Boot Camp, day 2

2009-08-04T23:06:00.002-04:00

Today was basically Safety day with a lot of "how to get fired quick" thrown in. We heard presentations on MRI and Radiology safety. Ccool facts about MRIs, like, the magnet is never turned off during the day so the way they show it on TV where you put the patient in and turn it on and then the metal object in their body you didn't know about starts moving is completely false -- it would start moving the moment they got on the table, if not the moment they entered the room. Then we heard from the Women's clinic about services for female vets which my VA is expanding rapidly. The VA police stopped by to tell us all the items we can't bring onto campus (even in our cars) and the various federal crimes we can be charged of while working there. They also discussed how incredibly well trained they are to handle just about anything from bombs to homicidal/suicidal patients and coworkers to random acts of violence. Information Security also stopped by to lecture on all the things we absolutely cannot do with VA computers and data unless we want to get fired/go to jail. EEO came and talked about discrimination and harrassment. Then we had a general facilities person talk to us about building safety from how to use a fire extinguisher, hazmat, what outlet colors mean, what the various codes annonced on the intercom mean, etc.

It was a ton of information all packed into the day today. I felt like I was learning some and also forgetting a whole lot more! That's why they gave us handouts!

One of the social workers stopped by to talk to the social work interns and told us that as a group we'd be somewhat kept together through various trainings even if we are assigned to different buildings/units so that is a relief. It's always nice to know you aren't the only newbie! Also, one of the other interns is assigned to the same area as I am (homelessness) and our days overlap on Wednesdays and Thursdays so I'll be seeing a lot of him. Overall I have sort of figured out the general layout of some of the buildings and the parking lots so that's one less thing to confuse me.

VA Boot Camp, Day 1

2009-08-03T21:20:00.004-04:00

So I dragged myself out of bed nice and early (5:40), tossed myself in the shower, put on makeup for the first time in months and headed out to boot camp. That's the term one of my classmates used for her VA Orientation. So I wasn't sure what exactly to expect besides "overload".

VA Orientation is held for all new employees/trainees/interns en masse. So we had some doctors, some administrators, some housekeeping staff, food service staff, and a whole bunch of social work interns all together in one room to be orientated. During the welcome by the facility director, I learned many cool things:

The VA is the best medical system in the world (there's even a book out there about it) despite the fact that it's government-run
This particular VA facility is the fastest growing in the country
They are increasing many services, adding additional clinics, building new buildings, gutting existing buildings to create private rooms with private baths and in general trying really hard to make this VA the bestest ever
This means they are hiring!
We are going to have a lot of emphasis on quality professional care and meeting specific measures in our particular departments

That was the gist of it. Then we had some HR people talk to us about various benefits/leave/etc., many of which don't apply to interns. We filled out a lot of forms -- standard w-4's, I-9's, signed the acceptable use of information systems, etc.

We also took an oath of office. This was (pretty much) the text (they didn't let me keep my copy):

I will support and defend the Constitution of the United States against all enemies, foreign and domestic; that I will bear true faith and allegiance to the same; that I take this obligation freely, without any mental reservation or purpose of evasion; and that I will well and faithfully discharge the duties of the office on which I am about to enter. So help me God.
I am not participating in any strike against the Government of the United States or any agency thereof, and I will not so participate while an employee of the Government of the United States or any agency thereof.
I have not, nor has anyone acting in my behalf, given, transferred, promised or paid any consideration for or in expectation or hope of receiving assistance in securing this appointment.

So they had us all as a group read this out loud and I found myself stumbling over it because they didn't give us a chance to read it through before actually taking the oath. In general, when I'm swearing things, I'd like to know in advance what I'm swearing.

So the parts I stumbled over: So help me God. Now, I believe in God. I do. Don't really believe in religion much because well, I can't stomach some of the stuff organized religion feeds people, can't believe certain sections of the bible were not interpreted by the writers in, whether unwitting or not, attempt to reinforce societal beliefs of the time. One thing I do believe is that this country was founded on the right of people to choose their own religion, whether that religion is Catholic, Protestant, Jewish, Muslim, Agnostic or Atheist. In order to truly achieve that we must maintain separation of church and state. The phrase was added to federal oaths by the Judiciary Act of 1789, and indeed you can omit it if desired: no religious test clause of the United States Constitution is found in Article VI, section 3.

The whole next paragraph threw me a bit too. As an intern obviously striking isn't an option -- I'd just miss out on my college credit. I still had a nagging feeling I was giving up a basic American right though and I read it aloud and signed my name to the paper to have it sealed. I understand the whole purpose of preventing some professions from striking and I think taking care of Veterans would be important part of maintaining a continuity of service. I've just never been sure I 100% agree with it. Maybe 85%? I'm just not sure where I fall on that one.

Anyway, I'm now technically a federal employee -- intern or no. I'll be getting paid for this internship so Uncle Sam is signing the checks. I have a shiny new ID badge to hang proudly around my neck.

Oh How I Hate to Get Up in the Morning . . . .

2009-07-24T14:36:00.002-04:00

Someday I'm going to murder the bugler
Someday they're going to find him dead. . . .
~Irving Berlin

So I'm not a morning person. Never have been. Never will be. My body insists on 9-12 hours of sleep, preferably between the hours of midnight and noon.

So why on earth did I decide to arrange to do internship at the VA hospital that is a minimum 45 minutes away, without traffic, a rumored 2 hours away during rush hour, and that requires me to report at 8 am? Obviously I've gone completely insane.

So this week I set my alarm to get up at 7, to start easing into the fact that come Aug 3rd I'll need to be up at 530 and on the road by 6. Let's review my awakening times so far this week:

Mon: 850ish
Tues: 910ish
Wed: 930ish
Thurs: 10ish
Friday: 910ish

/sigh I'm doomed. Really. Truly. Doomed.

But I wanted this internship so much. This experience. Invaluable. Everyone in SW I've talked to about working for the VA have stated in some way the following: 1. VA is exclusive, hard to get into, 2. VA prefers prior VA experience before hiring, and they are hiring these days, 3. VA gives an excellent opportunity to work with men, which usually requires working in criminal justice/prisons otherwise, 4. VA looks great on the resume.

Nevermind it's a population I care deeply about and a population of growing need in our area.

So I will somehow manage to throw myself into the shower, slap on dress clothes and makeup and drive north into the dawn. Starting in a mere 10 days!

Therapy Education

2009-07-20T21:31:00.003-04:00

So since I've started my MSW program I've been going to see a therapist to wrestle with the changes in my life. This was probably long overdue in the scheme of things and useful in a number of ways towards my own education and sanity. As one of my professors put it, things just get magnified in grad school. The simple things you handled everyday up till now suddenly become huge issues.

So today I left a message for my therapist saying I was doing well and I didn't want to schedule another appointment for a while. This was after canceling our last appointment so I could go on vacation :). Am I perfect? No. Will I ever be? No. But I've learned some things about myself with this therapist and the one before her I was seeing over the last 2 years. And I'm coping better overall with everything. At least that's what I think.

Now I'm not saying I'll never call her up and schedule something again. Certainly not once internship starts and the regular semester starts and I march towards graduation. But right now I'm busy and relatively happy with where I am in the world.

So what have I learned from therapy? In no particular order:

Everyone needs a little therapy. If nothing else but to be told they are normal.
I am normal.
I tend to put myself down and call myself names internally and I should stop that (and I'm trying!)
Getting mad at someone because you think they should know what you are thinking/need isn't fair to anyone, especially yourself.
My husband and I are better off than most couples because we manage to talk about our problems with each other.
The DSM, while useful, is just a bunch of labels used to describe things for billing. It doesn't define me.
We humans have built a world which causes unnecessary amounts of stress. Our brains and bodies aren't designed for it so we need to slow down, intentionally, or we will go crazy.
People often want things in their lives that cause them unnecessary amounts of stress. That's ok, so long as you remember to breathe.
People need more refridgerator friends (well, I learned that from a comic on the radio, but had a great discussion with my therapist about it; the concept is that facebook and other modern conveniences are replacing the people who come over, chat with you, and help themselves to stuff in your fridge and you're ok with that.)
I am not responsible for the homework of my classmates (well, except the group projects), my sister's life, or my parent's marriage. They are all adults who have to fix their own problems.

I'm sure there's other things I've learned, but this is what I'm keeping close right now.

Ok, back to homework!

Back to Normal

2009-07-14T10:55:00.003-04:00

So when I last wrote I was stressing about papers due for my Admin Skills class. I really liked that class a lot more than I expected. The teacher was energetic and I felt like I was learning a good amount and reinforcing some other stuff that I've learned along the way in the IT/for-profit office world. I came out with a 98 on that individual paper and a 97 on our group paper.

Then I had about a week an a half off. I read 3 books (Sookie Stackhouse books, that True Blood on HBO is based on). My husband and I went to DC to do hotel camping and sight seeing. The puppies went to doggy daycamp. It was a loverly break for us both.

Last Saturday it was back to normal with the start of my Program Evaluation class. Completely new professor, who seems kind of fun so far. We spent the afternoon of our first class evaluating chocolate chip cookies (an exercise in determining variables and scales of measurement). We do have a huge class project to do, evaluating one of the universities on-campus programs. A real evaluation that University is going to read. No pressure there!

Overall I've been feeling good these days. Perky at times. Looking forward to graduation in May. Hoping to be able to smoothly transition into a msw related job when I'm done, but knowing I can keep up with the IT for now as it is a paying job.

I'm gearing up for my VA field placement. I got my physical done, my fingerprinting done, my immunization records turned in. I have an online course I need to complete this week for that. And Orientation starts the first week of August!

The pressure is on . . .

2009-06-16T09:45:00.002-04:00

So to follow up on Next to Normal . . . Now, I've not seen it and I only have the cd of the songs. Based on just the songs Di is stated to have bipolar disorder with delusions. Now delusions are false beliefs you believe to be true. But in the songs she's imagining her son is talking to her, touching her. Those are hallucinations. Now, again, its a fictional character and having not seen it I can't really diagnose her without the spoken words between the songs. Still interesting to listen to as in addition to discussing pharmacology she describes her days as being unable to lift her head from her pillow and feeling dead while alive. Quite accurate descriptions of depression -- when its more than being a mood, but a pervasive sense of being out of your control.

Back to real life. I emailed to my prof my first assignment last night (it was due by 1159 pm, thanks to her wonderful reasonable policy on making assignments not due the day of class). It's always a bit nerve racking sending a paper to a prof for the first time. I know I'm a good writer but each prof has different ideas about what "good" writing is. Last semester one of my profs counted off if you used the word "that" anywhere that wasn't a direct quote :p Anyway, this was a group paper and my partner started off by telling me she's a terrible writer which wasn't true -- she just needs a good spell/grammar check (don't we all, really?). I read and reread the paper 5 times at least last night, adjusting and adding, trying to insure we covered all necessary points of the assignment. I'm not quite sure about the flow but it seemed ok to me.

Now I've got the next paper due on next Tuesday, the only individual assignment. So I want to throw myself into it, make it a really outstanding paper because the last big paper is group again and really I always feel like I'm giving up too much control with group papers -- which is probably the point anyway. So I've got the evening tonight, the afternoon tomorrow, all day Thurs and Fri evening to write this next one and get it into enough shape that Saturday I can ask questions and Sunday I can enjoy Father's Day with my family without worrying. On top of that I've got 5 chapters of the book, 3 case studies, and 3 articles to read for Saturday.

I'm looking forward to Father's Day celebrations Sunday. My sister and her family and my parents are converging at my house on Sunday morning and we are all going to Carrowinds (the local amusement/water park). My Dad loves taking the grandkids (and us adults) to the water park so it should be a fun day for all.

Ok back to work . . .

Next to Normal

2009-06-10T22:15:00.003-04:00

So today I had the day off and rather than get a jump on my "to-dos" (including homework) I took a full day off and declared it a "me day". I watched all my tivoed programs that had been stacking up including a backlog of american idols (really good season this year) and the Tonys. I haven't watched the Tony's much of late because I tend to forget and it is full of things I've not seen yet. But Neil Patrick Harris was hosting so I tivoed it for fun.

Of course watching the Tonys lead me to itunes this eve to get some new musicals for my ipod. One of the more stirring performances on the show was from Next to Normal a musical about a housewife who has bipolar disorder. In the musical she struggles with the common question all people with mental illnesses ask at some point "which is better -- to be drugged and missing your life or un-medicated and erratic.

So I've been listening to it and it's pretty interesting stuff. They tried to keep things "real" from what I can tell and the couple articles I read. The writers resisted making the lead Diana an artist as they were urged to do by outsiders. They wanted the story to be about coping with trying to be normal.

One of the songs is called "My Pharmacologist and I" and details the many side effects of psychotropic meds and the long drawn-out process of trying to find the right one:

DR. MADDEN (spoken):
Goodman, Diana: Bipolar depressive with delusional episodes. Sixteen year history of medication. Adjustment after one week.

DIANA (spoken):
I've got less anxiety but I have headaches, blurry vision, and I can't feel my toes.

CAST:
Ahh, ahh, ahh.

DR. MADDEN (spoken):
So we'll try again. Eventually, we'll get it right.

DIANA (spoken):
Not a very exact science, is it?

CAST:
Zoloft and Paxil and Buspar and Xanex, Ambien, Prozac, Ativan calms me when I see the bills. These are a few of my favorite pills.

DIANA (spoken):
Oh, thank you, Doctor, Valium is my favorite color. How'd you know?

DR. MADDEN (spoken):
Goodman, Diana: Second adjustment after three weeks. Delusions less frequent, but depressive state worse.

DIANA (spoken):
I'm nauseous and I'm constipated, completely lost my appetite and gained six pounds, which, you know, is just not fair.

CAST:
May cause the following side effects, one or more: Dizziness, drowsiness, sexual dysfunction, headaches and constipation, nightmares and seizures. Anxiousness, anger, exhaustion, insomnia, irritability, nausea, vomiting, odd and alarming sexual feelings..OH! and one last thing: Use may be fatal. Use may be fatal. Use may be fatal.

DR. MADDEN (spoken):
Goodman, Diana: Third adjustment after five weeks. Reports continue: mild anxiety and some lingering depression.

DIANA (spoken):
I now can't feel my fingers or my toes. I sweat profusely for no reason.

DIANA (spoken):
Fortunately, I have absolutely no desire for sex. Although, whether that's the medicine or the marriage is anybody's guess.

DR. MADDEN (spoken):
I'm sure it's the medicine.

DIANA (spoken):
Oh, thank you, that's very sweet, but my husband's waiting in the car.

DAN (Husband):
Who's crazy, the one who's half gone?
Or maybe, the one who holds on?
Remembering when she was twenty, and brilliant and bold.
And I was young, and so dumb.
And now I am old.

DAN:
And she was livid and wired.
The sex was simply inspired.
Now there's no sex, she's depressed,
And me, I'm just tired, tired, tired, tired...

DIANA:
And though he'll never hold me
He'll always taken my calls
It's truly like he told me
Without a lift the ballerina falls.
My psychopharmacologist and I...

DAN (his voice emerges):
..or the one who just lives with the pain?
They say love is blind...
But believe me, love is insane.

DR. MADDEN (spoken):
Goodman, Diana: Seven weeks.

DIANA (spoken):
I don't feel like myself. I mean, I don't feel anything.

DR. MADDEN (spoken):
Hm. Patient stable.

Summer School

2009-06-08T12:20:00.003-04:00

So I'm in my first Advanced class of my degree program: Administrative skills. This class is designed to give me tools to run a future unnamed non-profit of my choosing. So we spent the first 2 classes looking at management theories (systems, human relations, Theories XY & Z etc.) and internal and external factors affecting non-profit business. Some of the class will look at finances but the bulk of that will be in my final semester "financial management" class.

So I've got my first paper due on the 15th. Its a group/partner paper and is really just to look at some management policies for a non-profit. Basically we are to pick a policy -- like hiring, office hours, time sheets, network access, complaints, etc. and analyze how 2 different non-profits handle the policy differently.

I'm working with another girl in my class and we decided to look at training policies -- what training is required to start, who pays for additional training, etc. Should be interesting since she's looking at it from a contract employee perspective and I'm looking at it from a volunteer perspective.

Class so far has been pretty good. Summer classes are tough because its a full semester of class shoved into 5 Saturdays from 9-6. So its a lot of reading each week and basically a paper each week. It's only 6 of us in the class plus the prof so we are very informal and intimate though which I like. As we discussed Saturday, our prof is 36 and our ages range from there to 24 so we are all "colleagues" from the start.

On a side note, our prof started class by stating that when you go to grad school, everything normal in your life just goes wonky. When she got her msw, 9 family members died over 3 years. Anyways, my wonky seems to be cancerous. My dad had another cancer scare (it was pneumonia, but he was terrified) in 2008. Now he has a recurrence of basal cell carcinoma on his face and to boot my Sister had a mole removed and that was basal cell through-and-through too. So both are getting scheduled for surgery sometime in the near future.

The Month of May

2009-06-01T09:22:00.003-04:00

So I haven't written in a while mostly due to the fact that I finally had a few weeks off from school and was very much enjoying having a real life for a while. When in grad school every time you pick up a magazine or a book not related to your field of study that nagging part of your brain says "you have school readings you should be doing". The reading load isn't a lot really -- except when you factor in time actually spent in class, time researching and writing papers, time doing group projects, time doing your paying job, and oh, btw, the time doing things like eating, sleeping and keeping your home from imploding with filth.

So I've read 3 non-fiction books for the pure joy of it. I've played fallout 3 (post-nuclear war rpg). I've watched all the season finales of my favorite shows. It was a good break.

One thing I did do that I wanted to do very much this month was I went to some Red Cross trainings at the South Carolina Institute for Disaster Leadership (SCIDL). I went to 3 days of classes -- one day Frontline Disaster Supervision training and 2 days Services to the Armed Forces training. Disaster Supervision means should I go out on a regional or national disaster assignment I can be given a team of workers to run and manage.

The Services to the Armed Forces (SAF) training was a new class designed to standardize the SAF program which hasn't had the training support it needed. So some of it was review, some of it I never knew, and some of it was policies we need to follow and why. Very informative and needed. Also helped us network with other Red Crosser's throughout the state.

So one thing that a woman I met at SCIDL said to me stood out to me that weekend. She says "Amy, you are so smart, you should be a doctor. You're too smart to be a social worker". Interesting. I considered it a moment to explain what social workers really do. Seriously -- social workers deal with vulnerable people in the worst of situations. Don't you want someone with a brain in their head to be in charge? We directly affect people's lives to the extent of most doctors.

Now for me, I want to go into Macro work. Community organization, social planning, administration, policy making, legislature. Won't my "smarts" help with that? I think so.

Worried Sick

2009-05-01T13:27:00.003-04:00

I'm a worrier. Always have been. Every little thing becomes a big emotional deal that robs me of sleep and life in general. For the last 2 years I've been in and out of therapy and on antidepressants. Initially diagnosed with an adjustment disorder I reached the limit of that diagnosis (which I think is 6 mo), and now have some combination of Major Depression and Generalized Anxiety. I think my health record just says "for anxiety" which is a good thing insurance-wise.

So my health record, at this point, it really thick. I know I make myself sick on some level. I get headaches, loose appetite, weaken my own immune system with my worrying. There have been times when I've had mysterious and unexplained illnesses, seen a variety of doctors only to find nothing medically wrong with me and the issue eventually dissipates. Looking back I can then see that perhaps the mysterious pain was due to some real or anticipated stress. In the past 10 years I've seen 2 neurologists, 2 GI docs, a rheumatologist, and my primary doctor numerous times. I've had 2 mri's, 3 ultrasounds, a CAT scan, various xrays, a full neurological workup, lots of blood tests etc. and all the tests have been negative. I'm normal. I'm healthy. Except I'm worried sick.

Now I've just successfully completed my psychopathology course and I now have a name for this -- somatization disorder. Serious physically pain or illness with no known cause and some pyschiatric connection. It's not hypochondria, which I initially thought -- because I'm not demanding testing because I'm sure I have something they aren't finding (although I do think that the internet and excellent access to descriptions of diseases doesn't help me). I have physical pain and illnesses. The symptoms vary. A few years ago I had so much numbness in my leg I couldn't walk. This most recent bout I have mysterious abdominal pain no one can explain. I'm not trying to be sick. I want to be well. I do. I really do.

I was talking to my husband because there is the desperate fear that its all in my head and I'm crazy and they should just lock me up etc. etc. Seriously, who is so broken that they make themselves feel pain?!? He said to me "It's not that you aren't sick, you are. It's that you generate so much stress for yourself about everything the stress makes you sick. You need to cope better with your daily life so you don't stress so much." Some reaffirmation there. I am sick. I can get better.

The Grand Final[e]

2009-04-24T21:42:00.000-04:00

Well I took the final. With that ended my semester. So how did I do? Well, the first half of the test was fine. And then I hit the 2nd half that I could tell the prof wrote the questions himself and they were a bit more tricky with a lot of "a and b only, all of the above, none of the above" answers. Tricksy. And apparently there was an entire handout on defense mechanisms I should have read. So where does that leave me? I might get a B. I might get an A. I really have no idea at this point. I did the extra credit and went into the final with an A so it really comes down to the final, the class participation grade and the extra credit.

What's done is done. Regret is a useless emotion . . . la dee da dee dah. And so forth. Honestly I'm just trying to not get hyped about this too much so that I can sleep for the next week instead of obsessing about the final grade. Agonizing won't help at this point. Sounds easy, right?

So I plan on some serious down time this weekend. Lots of distraction to keep my mind from wandering to checking to see if grades are posted (which they won't be until May anyway!).

Tick Tock

2009-04-23T12:50:00.003-04:00

So tomorrow at 5 pm is my pyschopathology final. With that test, I'll be officially done (minus the extra credit assignment). The end of the semester . . .and finally a brief break from school. Summer school starts May 30th.

I'm looking forward to some me time -- and plan on reading a couple frivolous novels. But I will miss my classmates and its particularly bitter-sweet because many of them are going micro track and therefore I won't be in classes with them in the fall.

I'm trying to start a VA Field club of some type since at least 5 of my friends are in VA field placements at various locations in the Carolinas. I sent a proposal for a VA SWOK listserv so that we can keep in touch. Not sure what the College will make of it though.

I'm also running to be the MSW rep on the board of directors for the SC NASW. I plan on sending out info about that on the college's list serv to garner support.

Anyway, tonight is all about studying.

There's been a run of crazy dreams . . .

2009-04-21T19:54:00.003-04:00

Ok, so first of all, my husband points out that I don't have clients to advocate for yet. But I can dream right?

So my dreams have been really messy lately. The at-night-sleeping kind. Stress does that to me. I had a lovely dream last night (or I guess it was technically this morning). I was walking through the White House and was greeted by a cheery person who was rattling on about badges and security etc. She said "since you're a social worker I'm sure you will have no problems settling in". We turned a corner and Barack Obama was there and he turns to us and says "Ahh, Amy good to see you joining us. What's your cell so I have it if I need it". Which he then proceeds to program into his blackberry before he's whisked away. . . . And then my husband shook me awake and informed me I'd overslept the alarm. /sigh It was a good dream. It can happen, right?

Other dreams the last few days . . . two more about my childhood friend that took place in her home . . . one where I completely mess something up, lose emotional control despite the pleas of my family that everything's fine and I haven't ruined anything. Those are so emotionally charged. I really feel like I'm there, I'm experiencing that moment and all the emotional payload. I also had a brief one about a good friend emailing me pics of his new dog . . . I've been telling him he needs to get a pet :p

Anyway, lots of dreams swirling around these days. Right now though, I'm dreaming about finishing the last few assignments for psychopathology and walking out of the final on Friday feeling I did well. So back to the homework to make that happen.

Craziness!

2009-04-17T11:07:00.003-04:00

Ok my schedule is just nuts for the next week or so. I'm done with 710 paper (yipee!). Tonight its off to columbia for the phi alpha induction (assuming I get some laundry done magically while at internship today).

Tomorrow is the final groups class (hence paper being due). I really enjoy this class so I'm hoping tomorrows will be good. We are doing group activities that we turned in last week so should be an interesting mix of learning and self-disclosure.

Sat/night Sunday I'm home to do chores (laundry/shopping/cleaning, etc.) and I've got to tackle my portion of the group assignment due to my group editor Mondayish. I get to do the cultural comparison of the widows in 1930's india to similar culture groups in the US. I'm thinking second-class citizens such as the african americans in the 60s and maybe some religious groups with strict rules for women.

Sunday night I drive to Newberry to be with the munchkins while Benji gets his tonsils out. Should be a fun day mixed with watching kids, trying to do some work (for the job that pays) and trying to get some homework done. I may or may not spend the night. I need to complete one more written assignment for pyschopathology and the extra credit assignments.

Tuesday I have I-CARE which is the medicare/medicaid class I'm taking for my internship this month. This will be week 4. Really useful information that will continue to be useful in field next year.

Wednesday is internship again and I'm teaching CPR at CAAA that day. I haven't taught CPR yet this year due to insane scheduling so that should be fun. Then pyschopathology class that night. Then finish up studying and marking up my DSM for the final exam Friday. At which point I'm free! Except by then my parents will be back in town in their process of moving to Greenville and needing attention.

CRAZZZZZZZZZYYYYYYYYYYYYY!!!!! Just typing it all out makes me feel in control though. I'm gonna make it!

Procrastination

2009-04-15T12:43:00.002-04:00

I have a finite deadline. Saturday, April 18th the paper is due. I have a topic. I have my research. I haven't written a word. Why do I do this to myself? I've spent the last 2 evenings working on work for my other class that's due next week. I have tonight, tomorrow night and then Friday morning (maybe) at internship. I have to have it done before friday eve or I won't be going to the induction ceremony that eve. So stress-wise diving in and DOING would be advisable. /sigh

In other news, had yet another dream about giving up my childhood friend. Why does this still plague my subconscious? She and I grew apart after I moved to Iowa, grew even further apart when I went to college, had literally nothing in common after I got married, didn't speak for years. So why do I still dream about her and her childhood home (which I considered my second home growing up)? I'm guessing the location is due to my mother stirring up memories (and the lack of) from when she'd leave me at friends homes so my sister could get her cancer treatments. Mom totally blew my mind the other day by telling me she'd been leaving me as an infant with friends who even offered to nurse me themselves. I didn't realize that she did this when I was a baby -- just later when I was 3 and my sister was sick the 2nd time. SO maybe that's why I dreamed of my former friend's room last night. But once again I was trying to explain why I no longer intend to maintain a relationship with her. And then things warped and I was fighting a demon who was attacking her and trying to save her. I was startled out of this by a work call.

So, looking at this dream, and the location, is it just my need to fix everything -- even long-dead relationships? Probably.

Being there

2009-04-10T20:47:00.003-04:00

So on a whim I picked up Anti-Cancer: A New Way of Life by David Servan-Schreiber after hearing an interview with him on NPR. He used a lot of approachable metaphors in the interview and since we have a family tree full of cancer I picked it up to read through and then pass to my Dad who's starting a new life himself (he just retired). Having had kidney cancer a couple years ago this book seemed timely for him.

Anyway, I'm not terribly far in (school work!!!) so far, but just hit the chapter on telling people your bad news -- a diagnosis of cancer. It outlines the steps the author would use with patients: 1. briefly state the facts, 2. wait and don't break the silence, 3. talk about concrete steps Actually really good advice for anyone dealing with bad news with family, friends or clients.

He then talks about the need for loved ones to just be there. He talks about how when facing danger our inner voices say: don't just sit there, do something! when really we'd like to say to our loved one: stop trying to do something and sit there! Now I've always been a huge believer in the concept of family obligation to provide support as needed for those who are sick. I spent a week as a teen commuting gladly from my grandparents house to a hospital a couple hours away to sit in the waiting room all day for an uncle I couldn't look at (his severe burns made me faint) because I needed to be there. Never occurred to me to ask to stay home.

My husband's dear great-aunt who I love very much has been diagnosed with melanoma and has had 3 surgeries on her face. The reports we are getting from her partner (another dearly loved aunt) are of difficulty and pain. We sent them flowers which they sent a nice thank-you email to us but I have that overwhelming urge to just be there. Of course that's not practical at this stage and since they are rather private people, probably unwanted. The urge is still there though. I suppose this is why some people pray, so that they can spiritually be there through a connection to God. Personally I like to think that good thoughts and wishes can travel distance whether on the wings of prayer or just positive energy.

Anxiety Dreams

2009-04-10T13:30:00.002-04:00

Well I knew it would be only a matter of time, the anxiety dreams have begun.

Since starting school up again I've had a smattering of dreams relating to school anxiety. Usually involving my high school gym teacher or a forgotten locker combination, these show me I've got a healthy fear of failure.

Last nights dream was a bit different. It featured my high school biology teacher Mr. McVey who was the one who pushed me into trying archaeology so I could 1. find out I didn't like the concept of the starving grad student and 2. get my college scholarship to NYU. All very good things. In my dream I was taking a final and worried about how Mr. McVey would be so disappointed that I hadn't prepared as much as I should and therefore wasn't going to get an A. This is feeding directly into my fears right now about being a bit behind in my psychopathology readings and the big final looming ahead. Then it warped into some weird school spirit contest where for some unknown reason I'd volunteered to be the handler in a hamster maze contest where the winner got some kind of prize for their department and cosw was counting on me winning. Iin my dream I was wondering to myself, why on earth did I volunteer for this? and also why didn't I use some classical conditioning to teach this darn hamster to respond to right and left commands? I'm guessing this is also related to underpreparedness on the psychopathology exam and also a bit of me wondering why I volunteer to take on the hard assignments and duties instead of letting someone else have all the heavy lifting.

Dreaming big

2009-04-09T17:45:00.002-04:00

So my husband is a huge baseball fan and we currently have on MLB network which is talking about Angels pitcher Nick Adenhart who was killed by a drunk driver on his way home from winning his season debut. Nick was 22 years old. He probably dreamed his whole life about that moment last night when he would step onto the field in a MLB uniform and step up onto the mound and throw his first pitch. He pitched 6 shut-out innings and celebrated with his teammates that eve before getting his life cut short.

My condolances out to the family and friends. And all of MLB. People talk a lot about the crazy lives these athletes live and how they have riches poured onto them at such a young age, but many of these athletes work darn hard for years and years to cultivate their talent, cultivate their dream to be the best. Nick set a goal and he reached it. I think we all should stop and take a moment and think about all the kids out there with big dreams trying their best to reach them despite all odds and how precious and special those dreams are.

The pressure is on!

2009-04-09T10:46:00.002-04:00

So yesterday I was putting all my "to-dos" on my calendar including all the due dates for my homework for the next couple weeks. My last day of my groups class in 4/18 and my last day of psychopathology is 4/24. Throw in the fact that my parents are visiting this week (with an unknown date for them going home) and Easter this weekend and I've got appointment dots on every day for the next 2 weeks.

So for my "Intro to Groups" class I'm supposed to be writing up a new treatment group proposal. Typically this would be for a group in our field placement agency. My field agency, CAAA seems to have plenty of groups. Now I don't make life easy though so I actually want to propose a group at the Red Cross where I volunteer. I'm a member of the Disaster Action Team (DAT) which responds to local fires and other local emergencies (such as floods/tornadoes/hurricanes). My chapter (which covers 3 counties) also sends our volunteers off on National disasters. Most of our volunteers are adults who either themselves have experienced a local disaster (such a house fire) and are "giving back" to the Red Cross, or they are retired and have gotten involved to give themselves something meaningful to do. Almost none of them have any specific "helping profession" training other than the training the Red Cross provides.

The Red Cross is a wonderful organization. The training they provide covers the basics -- the Red Cross mission, the types of disasters people will likely respond to, the paperwork involved, etc. When a new volunteer starts, they have another more experienced volunteer or a staff member go with them the first couple trips. When volunteers are activated they are supposed to always respond in pairs for safety, are told in advance how many persons they are helping, and usually fire and or police are still at the scene. This isn't always the case though, as sometimes it takes a while for the volunteer to reach the site of the disaster.

So anyway, we have volunteers, with limited emotional training, getting up at all hours of the day and night to go to help local people who are going through a wealth of new emotions -- they've had a fire or some other crisis, maybe lost everything, have no where to stay, need food/money/prescriptions/clothing/bedding/shelter and they are turning to a volunteer for help. We've had volunteers enter the site only to have them be mobbed by outside parties hoping to jump on the "freebie" bandwagon and physically threaten them. Honestly this is an incredible thing that we have these volunteers at all.

So for my treatment group I want to push our current DAT team to a new level. We occasionally have meetings to go over paperwork, new proceedures, and to allow team members to meet and socialize. I want to move us into a more theraputic focus and help these volunteers process what they are doing. Give them an opportunity to talk and share their experiences, discuss what works and what doesn't with clients, and begin to help them realize that they are going through, bit by bit, some trauma themselves.

I started pulling up some articles on compassion fatigue and secondary traumatization -- one of which even specifically addressed the need for Disaster Mental Health in Red Cross chapters for the staff and volunteers, not just the clients. I also found some scales for measuring compassion fatigue that I'm going to take a look at. Overall, this assignment just got a lot more exciting for me.

Beginnings

2009-04-08T23:02:00.003-04:00

So I've been encouraged to try journaling. I, of course, wonder if putting it up where others can view it is really a good idea. Who would really read this stuff? Well, I think if I start with it being for me then at least I won't be disappointed. :)

So Social Work. I'm a MSW student and that really absorbs most of my life and thought these days. A frequent question in my classes has been "what draws you to social work?" From the very moment I started filling out an application for my MSW program I've been answering that question repeatedly and as necessary modifying the answer as I change and adopt "social work think". At this point I don't know what field of social work I will end up in or what population I will serve, but I do know that I want to be an advocate. For myself, for my clients, and for the field of social work itself. I really can't help myself. If something feels wrong or unjust, I make it known I'm unhappy. I find whomever is in charge and make sure they hear me. It might not fix the problem but I sure feel better having tried.

So dreams. I have crazy dreams. Well, there are the basic "I dream of having a rewarding and meaningful career" and "I dream of being healthy and happy and satisfied for the rest of my life". And then there are the weird dreams I have in my sleep that tell me what is really going on in my life. My fears, my anxiety, my hopes. I anticipate a good mix of life and surreal making it on this page. And that's just the beginning.